An Island On Fire

John K.

The author is a resident of Berkeley, California.

Ours is a world ruled by terrible myths. Warlords, billionaires, and charlatans erect towers and subdivide space. Horrors are imagined and realized.

We are born from nothing and drift to nowhere. There is no victory or success.

But how strange and rare when sweet genius devotes itself to gardens and songs and love. When the mind crumbles under paradox and the body rises on the heat of discipline. How strange when the heart opens and the moment is a lover's tear!

Picture an island on fire. See the brillant flames illuminate the night sea. Hear the drums and the singing. Hear the wailing. Hear the wind in the black trees.

I wandered up and down the ladders of experience. I saw the gates of light swing wide open. I sat with Adi Da Samraj and was carried to the edge of madness or freedom. I could not tell which it was. I was torn. I was not worthy. I could not surrender at the deepest place. My corruption and delusion were total and profound. He called me, whispered to me, wander in my dreams. He articulated what I saw but could not speak. He forgave me. He let me go back into the lost worlds. He reminded me with laughter. He showed himself when I did not expect it. He let me love him as life, as a seashore, as a bird on a twig. He let me love him imperfectly, as the people near me, as the world with all its sorrow.

I could not answer his calling. I fell short. He criticized me but then kissed me. He was generous at a distance. He knew my weakness.

I am far from that island but I see it shining in the middle of the black sea. I knew he had come. I tried to be with him. I was made dizzy with my failing. He loved me anyway. He shone everywhere.

Beautiful Adi Da, you are the world and what is prior to it. You are what remains when the world vanishes. You are the mystery that is this new day. You are what beats our hearts. We are not as wise as you. We struggle to surrender and try to understand.

Yet, as you have said, “If it is the truth, it is always already the case”.

I am so sad that I was never able to come around again. I am so blessed to have sat with you in the past. I will not forget you. I will creep on slowly, imperfect and dim, but seeing you everywhere. I feel your presence now. I weep.

I feel your presence now. I rejoice. All that you said is true. I will serve you the best I can. I thank you for your wondrous, joyful, mad, brilliant, ecstatic, wild, stoic, austere, indulgent, sublime, beautiful life and love.

May we all be free. May we all transcend the mortal news. There is only God! None of us are worthy. Still, there is only God!

 

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Quotations from and/or photographs of Avatar Adi Da Samraj used by permission of the copyright owner:
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