|
The Devotee Feeds the Guru,
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
| This is Part I, Chapter 12 of Chris Tong's book, Finding the Divine In Person and Waking Up From the Dream. | |
|
|
More Synchronicity at the Mountain Of Attention
In July, 1991, I thought I was going on a ten-day retreat at the Mountain Of Attention (in Northern California) — my first such retreat at one of Adidam's Empowered Sanctuaries.
Little did I know what was really in store for me!
Near the end of my retreat period, Adi Da decided to hold a simultaneous worldwide Sitting. He was intending to sit in Darshan with devotees at Adi Da Samrajashram (the island of Naitauba in Fiji), and He invited all His devotees around the world to sit with Him at the same time, wherever they were. At the Mountain Of Attention, we all gathered in Land Bridge Pavilion at the appointed time (7:30 pm). The plan was for Adi Da to sit for an hour, so that's what we all did, and then everybody left the Pavilion.
Well, everybody except me. I felt a little odd about staying in the Pavilion after everyone else had left. But strangely, I only felt Adi Da's Transmission intensifying near the very end of the hour (8:30 pm). After everyone else was gone, I felt His Transmission like a physical tug on my heart. It literally pulled me to the front of the Pavilion (where His picture was placed on His chair, much as He Himself would be sitting on a chair like that whenever He visited the Pavilion in human form). I felt like I was entering a very tangible and powerful Force Field. I sat down there, right in front of His picture. Another hour passed, and the Transmission was just as intense. Another two hours passed, and finally the Transmission started to diminish in force. I got up, and — since it was now 11:30 pm — I went to my retreat room, ecstatic, but also exhausted, and immediately fell asleep.
The next morning, I had my regular meeting with my retreat manager, and I described to him the curious experience I had in the Pavilion. His eyes lit up with excitement. "We just got word from the Island [Naitauba]. You're not going to believe this! We thought we were sitting here at the same time as Adi Da, but it turned out the event there was actually delayed for an hour. Adi Da only began sitting with the residents at 8:30 pm. Then, because not everyone could fit in the small room originally chosen for the occasion, He sat with a second group of devotees for an hour, and then a third group for another hour. So He started and finished exactly when you felt His Transmission!"
More synchronicity!
My retreat manager called the Island and told them about this. The devotees there felt that I was very much "in sync" with Adi Da, and should come on retreat to Naitauba immediately, to be in Adi Da's physical Company.
I hadn't planned at all for a trip to the South Pacific! My university's fall semester was about to begin, and I was scheduled to teach a couple of classes. Fortunately I was able to quickly re-schedule everything, and my professor friends in my department were able to cover my classes for me.
It all happened very Gracefully. At last, I was on my way to Naitauba Island to receive the Darshan of my Spiritual Master in person!
Extraordinary Darshan at Adi Da Samrajashram
After I arrived (at the end of August, 1991), I experienced the first couple of Darshan occasions as a time when I was just getting acclimated to being in Adi Da's actual physical Company. They also took place in a rather unusual setting. Adi Da was completing a forty-day treatment of Kaya Kalpa, an intense, traditional Ayurvedic regimen designed to serve the rejuvenation of the body. It required Him to be in almost pitch blackness the entire time. And so our Darshan of Him was in a very dark room — His dining room — with a dim red light where I could barely see Him, and what I could see was rather disorienting: at times He had something turban- or towel-like wrapped around His head, and also at times He was wearing dark sunglasses in the dark room, because His eyes were exceptionally sensitive to light during this period. In those Darshan occasions, He looked a little like an extraterrestrial! I found it hard to connect with Him in feeling.
My first Darshan occasion with Adi Da
(photo was taken in dim red light; my head is front right)
(Click on image to view enlargement)
However, by the time of the third Darshan occasion for retreatants, Adi Da had completed His Kaya Kalpa regimen, and so Darshan took place in a more normal setting (not that any Darshan of the Divine in Person is "normal"!): the inner courtyard of Aham Da Asmi Sthan, His residence on Naitauba.
the inner courtyard of Aham Da Asmi Sthan
In this Darshan, I would begin to learn how much the Guru-devotee relationship was not only devotional and spiritual, but also very human, as long as the Guru was still alive in His human form. I would discover that Adi Da completely depended on my and all devotees' devotion to Him, both for the survival of His bodily human form, and for the survival and flourishing of His Work of liberating all beings.
The greatest God-Realizers are God-Realizers not by having found a way to be "above it all", but rather by constantly abiding in a state of radical non-avoidance: feeling everything, and feeling beyond (and Outshining) everything. They are even physically very vulnerable to (and spontaneously "absorb") the emotions and karmas of all those around them, and thus their bodily health depends on the human and spiritual maturity (and responsibility) of those who enter their physical Company. Indeed, the Spiritual traditions include stories of great Spiritual Realizers who die unpleasant deaths, in part through absorbing the karmas of their devotees, and the world altogether. (This was one of the spiritual reasons why Adi Da lived on a remote island in Fiji most of the time.)
In Adi Da's case, this absorption of His devotees' karmas (and its effect on His physical health) was compounded by His being the bodily incarnation of the Divine: an immense Divine Force was always pouring through His body, intended for the liberation of all beings. That's a lot of beings. . . and a lot of Force! Only the strong devotional response of His devotees would draw out that Force from His body. If there was insufficient devotional response, the Divine Force would back up in His body and would start destroying it. Only the constant devotional response of His devotees could relieve that ongoing danger.
On the day of my third Darshan occasion, all the retreatants had been informed that their Guru's health was failing because He was not feeling the devotion of His devotees. The Divine Force was backing up in His body, and unless the situation changed immediately, Adi Da might very well die. It was an extreme moment, in a Divinely animated, sacrificial life filled with many such moments. As an incarnation of the Divine, Adi Da endured a lifetime with many extreme and unusual esoteric events, for which there were no analogues in our ordinary human lives.
When I stood before Adi Da in the courtyard that night, I was transfixed. I saw my great Spiritual Master, the Extraordinary God-Realizer, the Divine Incarnate, whose remarkable Teachings and Life-Work were transforming my life and the lives of so many of my friends. But also before me was the most profoundly vulnerable human being I had ever seen; it was so clear that He had made an incredible sacrifice to be fully incarnated here for our sake and that He was now completely dependent on our devotion.
It was like seeing one's child lying helpless in the street, about to be run over by a truck.
My heart-response was immediate and spontaneous: I had to save Him.
My heart opened wide and poured out love for Him. I had practiced feeling with the heart to Him, and now could engage that practice directly in His physical Company — to good effect. And that was the first miracle: I literally felt love pouring out of my heart, reaching His Heart, and feeding Him. Then the second miracle began: I felt His Love tangibly transmitted back to me, in a great and overwhelming Wave. And that caused my heart to open even wider. I soon found myself totally in love — immersed in this circle (or circuit) of love — totally animating a most direct relationship (at once, both human and spiritual) with my Master, crying out to my Beloved Guru with tears in my eyes, "Let me feed You with my devotion! May You always feel my devotion, wherever I am!" His Eyes gazed into mine. They were soft and sweet. I became suddenly aware that, beyond a doubt, I was looking at Love Personified, and that Love in Person is a Wound, a Great Sacrifice for the sake of all beings . . . and that I must become similarly heart-broken, totally vulnerable, in order to be fully liberated from the endless round of births and deaths.
|
Thus, it is My purpose to sacrifice Myself, to appear in this hellish domain, in order to make it into purgatory. But it is not My purpose to live in purgatory forever, any more than it is My purpose to have you live in purgatory forever. The purpose of My living is Heavenly or Divine. . . . Therefore, there is the wounded Master in your company, but there is also the Glorious Master in your company. That wounded one is an instrument with which to draw you out of yourself so that you may enter into the Glorious Domain. In order for this to occur, you must become a devotee. Avatar Adi Da Samraj, "Love of the God-Man" |
At a certain point, the Darshan occasion ended, and devotees began leaving the courtyard, even while Adi Da continued to sit there before us. I will always remember walking backwards out of that courtyard ever so slowly, step by small step, last person to leave, hands raised in ecstatic surrender, my eyes never leaving His, my heart never losing the connection to His Heart. At last, a devotee closed the bronze gates and I could no longer see — but could still feel — my Beloved Master sitting there at the far end of the courtyard.
"Touch My Heart, and I Will Widen You To God Knows Where"
|
Touch My Heart, and I Will Widen You To God Knows Where. Avatar Adi Da Samraj, The Dawn Horse Testament |
Adi Da once pointed to His Heart and said, unless there is a devotional approach, this doesn't open:
|
You must approach Me as a devotee... When someone comes to Me in the form of sacrifice, My Body opens up. I do not tell it to. I respond to that devotional being and presence. That is how this Siddhi Works. If there is no sacrifice of self, no devotional approach, regardless of all the social niceties that may be there, then this [tapping His chest] does not open. You can come to Me for years with your fruit,[1] and there will be no sadhana, no Grace, not even a lesson grasped, because there is a Law alive in our relationship. It is mutual sacrifice. Avatar Adi Da Samraj |
That night, I had the experience of what it was like to literally touch Adi Da's Heart, and to feel what happens when His Heart opens: a Divine Flood of Love-Bliss pours out! Feeling that Flood myself that night, I could instantly grasp the huge difference in His experience, between having that immense Force backed up in (and destroying) His body, and having It flow out to His devotees, because of their devotional response. (Adi Da never needed reports from around the world about whether devotees were truly practicing. It was immediately apparent to Him in His very body.)
Over the next few weeks, Adi Da's health would slowly recover, as, more and more, He felt His devotees' love for Him. On a personal note, I would later find out that my Beloved Guru "really liked the way Chris fed Him energy" and felt that I "fed Him very well." To hear this touched me deeply — it was the very reason my heart had opened to give Him my love: to nourish and heal Him in His bodily human form. Other devotees might be in a position to directly serve the well-being of His bodily human form through their personal care; but this was the way that I too could care for my Beloved Guru's well-being, a way for me to feed Him wherever I might be.
And even though I knew Adi Da's human lifetime would come to an end at some point, from that moment on, the very focus and purpose of His life — the survival and flourishing of Adidam and His great and ongoing Work of liberating all beings — became the focus and purpose of my life, and remains so to this day.
Heart Gifts for the Guru
Immediately after that extraordinary Darshan, I returned to my retreat quarters, but I could not sleep. I continued to feel the urgency of our needing to care for our Beloved Guru, and feed Him with our devotion, particularly at that very precarious moment in His human life. A thought crossed my mind for how to do so.
In the dark, I walked to the "art room" in the residents' village. It was the place where various art projects were carried out, and it had many art supplies. I found construction paper in many colors, and set to work. I began cutting out paper hearts, large enough to write a message on. I then punched holes in their tops, and passed yarn through the holes, so they could be hung. It took me most of the night. But by breakfast time, I had about fifty hearts, in a rainbow of colors, enough for all the devotee residents and retreatants.
I then walked over to the eating area, where breakfast was just beginning. As devotees wandered in, I mentioned that I would be bringing these hearts as gifts to our Guru later in the morning, and anyone who wanted to write a devotional message to Him could do so. The first few devotees I approached poo-pooed my idea. They felt that Adi Da would find the paper hearts "tacky" and would "cream" them (and me) for it.
But most devotees (after those reluctant first few) were amused and delighted by the idea, and happily seized the opportunity to write love letters to Beloved Adi Da. Upon seeing their enthusiasm, some of the early "resisters" decided this might turn out okay. . . They didn't want to be left out, and so they joined in, after all.
After an hour, it was done. I had a good forty-five hearts for Beloved Adi Da! I hopped on the truck that would carry me to the other side of the island.
Lion's Lap (click to enlarge) |
That morning, Adi Da was at the cove He had named "Lions Lap", because the island there was shaped like a great lion at rest (with the cove located right between the Lion's "paws"). He was enjoying a relaxing outing with His Gurukula — the Ruchiradamas and His daughters. He was floating on the water in the cove there in an inner tube, and the Gurukula were in the water surrounding Him.
When my truck neared Lion's Lap, I hopped off and made my way to the grove of trees on the shore near where Adi Da and the Gurukula were. I began carefully hanging the hearts on the trees, one by one.
As I was in the middle of hanging the hearts, I felt a presence, and turned around. Quandra Sukhapur Rani was walking toward me through the trees. She had a sweet smile on her face. She came close, and looked at the heart I was hanging. "What are you doing?", she asked with a curious voice. I told her. Her smile got bigger and she said, "That's wonderful! Let me take a few hearts to Beloved right now. You keep hanging the rest, and I will send the children over to find the rest of the hearts, and bring them back to Beloved."
So that's what we did! I finished hanging them all. . . low enough so the children could reach them, but "hidden" enough so they would enjoy the play of having to work a bit to find some of the hearts. With all the hearts in their many colors, the grove looked quite festive! I got on the truck and returned to the retreat quarters.
Later, we would hear later that Beloved Adi Da had greatly enjoyed this gift (carefully reading the words on each heart as He lay floating in the water) — in part because of the delight it gave His children, to find and bring back the hearts, and tell Him the name of the devotee as they handed Him each heart; and in part because He was literally receiving His devotees' hearts in this visible manner.
"I'm Never Going to Let Him Go"
I kept giving my Beloved Guru gifts throughout my retreat. One day, I sent Adi Da a small teddy bear as a gift. Later that day, while Adi Da was spending time with His daughters, He picked up the teddy bear from His desk.
"See this little guy? He's been wandering around for lifetimes. But now I've got him, and I'm never going to let him go."
Thank God for that!
"And Eat the Excess Offered From His Great Food Dish"
I had attended the last Darshan of my retreat. It was now just before my return to the United States, and my Beloved Guru gave me departing gifts that are seared into my memory forever.
I sat in the outer courtyard of His house (Aham Da Asmi Sthan), in the dark of a Naitauba evening, waiting in delighted anticipation — knowing that, as was His custom with departing retreatants, Adi Da would be sending me "going-away presents" via one of His intimate attendants. On this night, I was alone as I sat, the only retreatant departing the island on the boat that week.
the outer courtyard of Aham Da Asmi Sthan
at night
(the bronze gates at the center are the primary entrance
to the
inner courtyard — see the earlier picture)
The bronze gates to His house opened. Ruchiradama Nadikanta stepped out. She walked over to where I was sitting, and handed me Adi Da's customary gifts, one by one, all of which He had just Blessed: a bottle of holy water; a packet of pressed flowers; and a packet of sacred ash. I prostrated before the gates, extremely grateful to my Beloved Guru for these gifts and the Gift of His Darshan, which had completely transformed my heart and my life.
But then, as I arose and was about to leave, I was totally taken aback when Ruchiradama Nadikanta made a gesture for me to wait. "I have more gifts for you from Gurudev!" she exclaimed, with a big grin on her face and a twinkle in her eyes, taking obvious delight in my surprise. She went back inside, and when she emerged, she had a small bouquet of very delicate yellow flowers. "These are flowers Gurudev had placed in the Sukra Kendra [Adi Da's most sacred Temple, where, with rare exceptions, only He goes], where He Blessed them for you." I received the flowers from her, and prostrated again, my heart swelling with love for my Heart-Master.
I stood up. And then Ruchiradama Nadikanta signalled — wait! — again, and went back inside Adi Da's house one more time! When she emerged, she had a bowl in each hand. She described how Adi Da had just finished His dinner. "Gurudev wants you to have these: this is the water bowl in which He washed His fingers before dinner; and this is the fruit left over from His dinner."
I was completely overwhelmed. I lay prostrate on the ground before the gates of my Beloved Guru's house for a long time, feeling the extraordinary Blessing signified by these Gifts, treasured so much within the Guru-devotee traditions around the world. With these Gifts, Adi Da was very pointedly alluding to lines in the traditional Guru Gita:
|
Therefore, with feeling-devotion, meditate on the Divine
Heart-Master's Avatarically Self-Revealed Divine Form and
Presence and State.
Avatar Adi Da Samraj |
I never ate a meal or drank a drink so slowly or consciously, feeling and loving my Guru with each small bite and sip, and feeling His Love, which He so clearly was feeding me.
It was an archetypal symbol of the Guru-devotee relationship: the devotee feeds the Guru (as I had in Darshan, feeding His Heart with the love from my heart), and the Guru feeds the devotee. Through this ongoing, intimate process of mutual love, mutual gifting, and mutual sacrifice, the liberation of the devotee takes place.
A Cosmic Sign
At long last, I climbed in the truck that would take me back to our retreat quarters on the other side of the island, from which I would board the boat that would take me from the island.
As we bounced along the empty dirt road, I looked up at the clear and vast South Pacific night sky, so full of stars, and whispered to no one in particular, "Nothing more could possibly happen to make this day any better!"
And just at that moment, blazing brightly, a large, white shooting star drifted lazily across the sky.
The unexpected cosmic sign stunned me into silence. Then. . . laughter and delight. The message could not have been any clearer:
Never suggest any limits when it comes to the Divine Heart-Master, Adi Da!
[1] |
Here Adi Da is referring to the practice of devotees bringing Him a tangible gift of some sort (a flower, a piece of fruit, a leaf, etc.), whenever they come into His Company. He is suggesting that such a practice can be mere ritual, the devotee going through the motions, but without the actual devotional heart-response and surrender of self that giving the physical gift is supposed to represent. |
|
[2] |
A portion of Adi Da's
book, the Ruchira Avatar Gita ("Song of the Avatar of Brightness") is His rendering of the traditional Hindu scripture, the
Guru Gita ("Song of the Guru"). The passage
I've quoted is Adi Da's rendering of this passage from the Guru Gita:
|
|
| Quotations
from and/or photographs of Avatar Adi Da Samraj used by permission of the copyright
owner: © Copyrighted materials used with the permission of The Avataric Samrajya of Adidam Pty Ltd, as trustee for The Avataric Samrajya of Adidam. All rights reserved. None of these materials may be disseminated or otherwise used for any non-personal purpose without the prior agreement of the copyright owner. ADIDAM is a trademark of The Avataric Samrajya of Adidam Pty Ltd, as Trustee for the Avataric Samrajya of Adidam. Technical problems with our site? Let our webmaster know. |