No Doubts Whatsoever
|Alaya Gernon has been
a devotee of Adi Da since 2009. She lives in England, is
an Interfaith Minister, heals people using vibrational energies,
and provides spiritual coaching.
to becoming Bhagavan Adi Da Samraj's devotee, I had a spiritual
practice with Ramana Maharshi. Despite
feeling utter peace with that practice for years, I was still
attracted to and felt a pull to Adi Da Samraj. He appeared in
many dreams, and I read His Word
Adi Da clearly stated in His Teaching that He Is the all-completing
Way for all beings, the only Way that offers the seventh-stage
Awakening to Prior Unity.
When I contemplated Adi Da, I could feel a tangible difference
in awareness and yogic current, when comparing it to my practice
with Ramana Maharshi. With Adi Da Samraj, there was no inward
focus or contemplation on my part; I didn't "do" anything. Yet
I could feel the most incredible yoga
occurring. Adi Da's Siddhis
were undeniable. In contrast with the tranquility and peace
which I felt with Ramana Maharshi, with Adi Da, I was lifted
to a feeling of profound equanimity.
In that great moment of Awakening I knew the Truth was
not a matter of seeking. There were no "reasons" for joy
and freedom . . Instead, I saw that the Truth or Reality
was a matter of the removal of all contradiction, of every
trace of conflict, opposition, division, or desperate
motivation within. Where there is no seeking, no contradiction,
there is only the unqualified knowledge and power that
Avatar Adi Da Samraj
But my resistance to fully turning to Adi Da was also real.
It was centered around the various allegations on "negative
websites" of sexual abuse, drugs, and abuse of devotees,
and the doubts raised in me by these allegations.
Some further context: I had been sexually abused as a child.
While I had healed a great deal of the wound and the anger,
I did not realize at the time how much my wound and past abuse
were affecting my judgements about Adi Da and beliefs about
how a human Incarnation
of the Divine should behave. And so I found myself full
of judgements, and doubts about whether Adi Da could be spiritually
The contrast between Adi Da and Ramana Maharshi was a source
of further doubts. Ramana fit all the traditional stereotypes
of the "great Spiritual Realizer". His purity was not in doubt;
there were no reports or rumours about any "bad behaviour" on
his part. Also, Ramana placed no demands on how devotees should
approach him, but was more encouraging for people to approach
as they felt.
Another source of doubt: In the 1970's, Adi Da Samraj had said
that Ramana Maharshi was a seventh-stage Realiser. (This was
relative to Adi Da's "seven
stages of life" framework.) Then in the 1990's, Adi Da described
Ramana as a sixth-stage Realizer. Adi Da's critics insinuated
that He was "demoting" all other Realizers so that He could
"promote" Himself as the one
and only seventh stage Realizer.
I spoke to many devotees confessing my doubts, and no one really
could offer any explanation that relieved me of them.
But then I read Adi Da's extraordinary book, The
Boundless Self-Confession, and it had a profound effect
on me. I received a revelation that, like certain other Spiritual
Realisers, Adi Da was reflecting to the person their own human
state through unusual (sometimes seemingly aberrant) actions,
and that the truth of Him was not reflected by these
actions. As He
What I Do is not the way that I Am, but the way that
What I Speak is not a reflection of Me, but of you.
People do well to be offended or even
outraged by My actions and behavior. This is My purpose.
But their reaction must turn upon themselves, for I
have not Shown them Myself by all of this. All that
I Do and Speak only reveals people to themselves.
I have become willing to Teach in this uncommon manner
because I have known My friends — and they are what
I can seem to be. By retaining all qualities in their
company, I gradually wean them of all reactions, all
sympathies, all alternatives, fixed assumptions, false
teachings, dualities, searches, and dilemma. This is
My Way of Working for a time. . . .
Freedom is the only Purity. There is no Teaching but
Consciousness Itself. My Appearance here is not other
than the possibilities of humankind.
Avatar Adi Da Samraj
The Way That I
When I had originally read this, I was skeptical. I thought
this was a rather convenient way for Adi Da to not "own" His
own behaviour! But after I read The
Boundless Self-Confession, something shifted in me.
Am the Breakthrough of That One Who Intrinsically
Transcends all cosmic appearances. . .
My Divine Avataric Self-Submission Was an Act of Identification
with the body-mind-"self" of every one, with the "world"
as a whole, and with the cosmic domain altogether.
My Divine Avataric Self-Submission Was Necessary for
the Transformation of the body-mind-"self" of every one,
of the "world" as a whole, and of the cosmic domain altogether.
Through the Unique and Paradoxical Process of My Divine
Avataric Self-Submission (Which Process Was the Case from
the Moment of My Birth), I Achieved Perfect Coincidence,
and Perfect Identification, with all-and-All.
My Divine Avataric Self-Submission Was a Means Whereby
I Took on the pattern of humankind (and of the "world"
altogether), in order to Transform that pattern in My
Own Person. . .
What I Did in My Time of Divine Avataric Self-Submission
was not (in any sense) a form of "foolishness", not at
all a "mistake".
Because of the Unique Divine Avataric Nature of My Birth
and Work, My Divine Avataric Self-Submission Was Required
to Be exactly As It Was. . .
All have been Meditated by Me.
All have been Embraced by Me.
Now, on the basis of whole-bodily-responsive devotional
recognition of Me, all limitations can be shed.
That Is how the Process Works In My Divine Avataric Company.
That Is the Process for the future.
Avatar Adi Da Samraj
I now felt the truth of what He was saying. And I decided I
should turn to Him.
At last, my attraction to Adi Da overwhelmed my doubt and resistance.
I became Adi Da's devotee in 2009. This initiated a profound
process of purification in which Adi Da would ultimately address
and relieve all my doubts in the most profound manner, and would
completely heal me of all past abuse.
I'll now describe that miraculous process.
* * *
In the year after becoming Adi Da's devotee, many experiences
of ecstatic Communion with Adi Da occurred.
But synchronistically (relative to the doubts I have been describing),
the first service work I was asked to do (for the Adidam Mission)
was to look at the "negative websites" and familiarize myself
with the allegations of sexual abuse and other allegations,
because those interested in Adi Da and the Way of Adidam would
naturally run across these "negative websites" and have questions
and doubts like I had had.
I can see now how Beloved Adi Da was playing with me psychophysically!
I hadn't really resolved my own doubts, so now they were being
dredged to the surface again in me. Of all the service work
I could have been given, here I was trawling through absolutely
all the negative allegations and stories about Him. And it was
totally toxic to me. . . As Adi Da says, "you become what you
meditate on." I found myself full of doubt — again!
So I talked to other devotees again about how I felt. It helped,
but I knew that the doubts were still there in the back of my
* * *
But then I went to a retreat at the European
Danda in Holland, and what happened there was truly miraculous.
When I arrived, I had the most awful headache. This became
so debilitating that I dropped out of the core programme and
went to the meditation hall for Second
Congregation devotees. I offered my flower to Adi Da
and prostrated to Him. Then I sat before His Murti
picture at the front of the hall. My head was throbbing.
I asked Beloved Adi Da if He could please relieve my bad headache.
The headache got much worse. I felt unable to move.
So I asked Him for relief again.
Now it became a thunderous headache, with shooting pains!
I was in such pain that I stopped asking for relief.
Suddenly I saw Him, in all His Divine Beauty. Instantly,
my headache vanished. I realised that I had not been approaching
Adi Da properly. I had been seeking relief for myself, rather
than turning to Him and forgetting myself.
Then all the doubts I had came floating in and out of my mind
again, like more bad headaches. "Was Adi Da Samraj everything
He said He was?" "What is the difference between Him and Ramana?"
"Were any of the allegations on the negative websites true?"
Suddenly, Adi Da Himself appeared in the room, life size. He
was sitting right in front of me. I had never been in His physical
Company while He was alive, but it was just like that. Behind
Him, His photograph vanished in Bright White Light.
The yogic current was undeniable! I sat in ecstasy, beholding
And then — suddenly, it was Ramana Maharshi sitting in
front of me!
I stared in disbelief.
Then it was Krishna, then Ganesh, then Gautama Buddha, then
Nisargadatta Maharaj, Mooji, Amma, a series of sages, famous
people throughout the ages, Hafiz, . . .
It was like an animated picture show from beyond this realm.
And then Adi Da Samraj appeared again, still sitting before
me, smiling. As He appeared, I heard the lines from one of our
sacred Invocations being spoken: "You are the 'Bright', the
Light Itself, above all Lights, Who is the Light to those who
call for Light."
As Bhagavan Adi Da looked at me, I spoke to Him saying, "Bhagavan,
You are showing me that You are it all, everything and everyone."
Adi Da nodded — and then, suddenly, He was gone. The
room returned to "normal", but His Murti photograph was still
I continued to behold Adi Da as I looked at His Murti. But
He had not finished with me yet!
I was sitting, but I now felt like I was being pulled through
something revolting. My eyes felt as if they were covered by
a "veil" that was a most horrible colour of grey with black
floating shapes in it.
It felt like a layer of yuck!
My body felt as if it was moving, although strangely, I was
also aware of sitting. But the room could not be seen, just
I trusted Adi Da Samraj and allowed His yogic current to pour
through me. I burst through the "veil" into the Brightest White
ever! I basked in this Bliss for what felt like an eternity.
Adi Da was gifting me with the Divine State of Prior Unity,
which I was now feeling tangibly.
When I came back into the moment and the room, I felt no
doubts whatsoever about Who He was.
All my random thoughts about the negative allegations and my
own past abuse had vanished. None of it had any consequence,
because — as mad as it may sound to the conventional mind
— I knew: in the condition of Prior Unity, none
of it mattered. In the condition of Prior Unity, none of it
had even happened.
When I ran into some other devotees, I discovered I had been
missing for four hours. Looking at me, they said, "Something
profound has happened to you."
In my life, I have been graced by many mystical awakenings
and happenings. But nothing compares to Bhagavan Adi
Da Samraj and His Divine Work.