EILEEN:
One day, Cathy said to me, "I am getting worse, right?"
In my fear, I became angry. "That is the wrong message to give your body!" I said.
"Why don't you just say 'To hell with this cancer. I am not going to do cancer
anymore!'" I hit the table with my fist. Cathy began to cry, and I began to wail.
Emotions we both had been holding back all year seemed to burst forth. Soon we
were both wailing and hugging each other. "Let's go to the
Communion
Hall," I suggested. We sat in front of Adi Da's Murti.
I confessed all my fear, anger, and sorrow to my Beloved Master. It was obvious
that I was clinging to Cathy, not willing to surrender this human relationship
that had given us all so much delight. It was also obvious that I had to let go
of that clinging and release her to her process. When I stopped
talking and wailing, Cathy looked at the Murti and began to speak very clearly
to her beloved Guru. She said over and over again, "I just want to be with You,
I just want to be with You." In that moment, we both knew
we had to give up our search for a cure. |