JACK: It had been a very graceful process with Cathy altogether. I didn't feel like I had anything left to work out with her, any emotional difficulty. There had just been a tremendous expression of love. But when she was gone, all of sudden I felt this pain at the heart. It surprised me. I didn't think I would feel it. I felt a pain, an intense loss, and I also felt kind of dead, as if something in me had died. People would tell me it was the grieving process. I didn't actually expect it because everything had been simple and graceful.

Then at some point Beloved Adi Da invited Sukey to come to Adi Da Samrajashram. That was completely wonderful. I was so ecstatic that she would be able to come and connect with Him, because that was the main thing I wanted for her.

That night I had one of the most profound dreams I've ever had. In the dream, I was being invited to go to an initiation performed by devotees in Hermitage (Adi Da Samrajashram). The initiation was being held at a very primitive place, a little stone house. It was archetypal. I remember looking around and having eye contact with devotees, and there was just the sense of Beloved Adi Da, pure Communion with Him. That was the only thing that was happening. It wasn't a remote place — there were even cars going by. But inside it was just like going back to a primeval space. One woman that I have known for a long time was bringing out fabric that had been in Adi Da's personal environments. First she showed me a beautiful piece of white fabric and then brought out a beautiful crimson fabric, then beautiful orange fabric. It was incredibly potent.

Right in the midst of this dream, there was a knock at the door which woke me up, and I was told to call Hermitage. I immediately knew that it was an invitation. When I called, a devotee who had just come from Beloved Adi Da's Company said that He had asked for me to come to Hermitage with Sukey.

At this moment, I was just broken up — heart-broken in gratitude. It was the answer to what my heart was praying for.

The night Sukey and I arrived at Adi Da Samrajashram, I was invited to a gathering with Adi Da. I went into the room and bowed before Beloved Adi Da, and everyone immediately made room and gestured for me to go up front. I went up in front of Avatar Adi Da and bowed down, and started to embrace Him. He's so Beautiful. He's just there, and is so round. I was holding His arms, and His face was so big. There was so much emotion, I didn't know what to say.

I muttered something about Cathy, and He Said, "Sh, sh . . ." It was clear that He knew everything about what had happened. There was no need to tell Him anything. He Said a couple of things in the interchange that confirmed that He knew everything. It was obvious in the feeling.

I just kept feeling how soft He was, the roundness of His face, and I looked into His eyes. He kept Telling me that it was all right. He said, "Cathy is all right." He Said, "She's with Me." And He would point at Himself and Say, "She came to Me." He must have Said that a dozen times while we were talking.

A couple of times, I started to say "Cathy was . . ." , referring to her in the past tense. The first couple of times, He Said, "No, she is with Me". Then I think it became clear that I was still not getting the point, so He got a little fierce with me, and Said very clearly, "She is with Me! She is looking at you through these eyes."

I knew that was true. I had known that when she died, that she had gone to Him. It was clear. There was nowhere else that she was going to go. But just to hear Him Say it washes the heart. He just kept Saying it over and over again, "She is with Me. She is here." And He pointed to His Heart on the right.

He Said I looked really old. But it wasn't just that. He Said, "I know that it's been hard. I can see it in your face. I can see how much you've aged this year, and it's all right. You did everything that you could do. You have nothing to feel bad about." He rubbed my face, rubbing the wrinkles out of my face.

He also Spoke to me about Sukey. He Said He was going to take care of her. That meant so much to me, because I've seen how difficult it had been for Sukey. In some ways, it was harder for me to deal with that than with my own grieving. I just really wanted her to connect with Him. He Said that He was going to take care of her. He Said, "I'll see her tomorrow." I told Him I was so grateful to Him for that, and expressed something about how I felt it had been very difficult for her. He said, "When she sees My face it will be all right."