8. The Fruitful Question Is Not "Did He or Didn't He?"
But Rather, "Is He or Isn't He?"

This is Part 8 of Chris Tong's eight part article, An Overview of Adi Da's Crazy Wisdom and "the Way That I Teach".

The Best of Circumstances: Immediate Recognition of Adi Da

In the best of circumstances, a person interested in genuine spiritual practice would run across a picture or video of Adi Da Samraj, or read some of His Word, and a direct Revelation would occur on the spot: the recognition of Adi Da as the Divine. That Revelation would reveal the reality and true nature of the Divine Person — e.g., the Divine Person is not "the Creator of the universe" or the "God in charge of everything", but the Consciousness in which the universe is arising, and the very Source of one's own being. (Click here for a more detailed description of the Revelation.) Simultaneously, it would reveal Adi Da as the Divine Person Incarnate, a human being who is utterly transparent to the Divine, enabling the Divine Revelation to be accessible for all.

That Grace-given Revelation would be self-authenticating, in the manner of all genuine Revelation, in that no further consideration or argument would be necessary for one to be absolutely certain of its truth. It would be self-authenticating in the same manner as one's own existence is self-authenticating.[2]

And then, as Adi Da has put it, that single moment of Revelation should be "sufficient to motivate a lifetime of practice", based on the principle: "you become what you meditate on." So meditate on the Divine, made tangible through Adi Da's human form, and ultimately realize the Divine — and along with it, the perfect, eternal Happiness and the perfect, eternal Freedom of the Divine that frees one forever from the bondage and suffering of life and death.

Adi Da has also supplemented this by saying (see the video clip below): "If the Revelation [of God] is made clear in this moment, then make a solemn, eternal vow of absolute commitment to God-Realization, and commit yourself to do whatever is necessary for the sake of God-Realization. Devote this life to it, devote whatever time and space appear entirely to God-Realization." This accounts for the practical reality that a crystal clear moment of genuine Revelation can be followed by many further moments that are not so clear, are clouded by ego, and in which that Revelation may be obscured, momentarily or for extended periods. But one should never let such less conscious, less Revelatory moments cause one to fall from a life that has been rightly organized around the moments of genuine Revelation.

The sun doesn't cease to exist, just because local weather conditions temporarily obscure it from the viewpoint of those under the clouds!

When the Best of Circumstances is Not the Case: the Obstacle Course to Recognition

What I've just described is the best of circumstances. This is what Adi Da has described as the natural occurrence in the Ancient Walk-About Way, in civilizations of other times and places that were more spiritually inclined than our thoroughly materialistic culture. In such civilizations, one was brought up to have a spiritual openness and sensitivity (and a valuing of these traits in oneself and others, along with a valuing of Spiritual Masters) that would lend itself to direct and immediate spiritual recognition of the Guru, on first sight.

And that has happened for some of Adi Da's devotees, now and again. Some devotees were given the Revelation of Who Adi Da is in their very first moment of awareness of Adi Da.

In contrast, most of us pursued a less direct route to Adi Da, having been brought up in and steeped in a culture given over to materialism and consumerism (and proud of it), and not trained to be spiritually sensitive in the least. That less direct route also was an obstacle course of sorts, where we had to deal with our own doubts about spiritual life (as well as the doubts of our friends, family, workmates, etc.); our doubts about having a Guru; our doubts about the very notion of a human Incarnation of the Divine; and our doubts about Adi Da Samraj in particular.

In the beginning of our journey to Adi Da, we had to inspect and release a lot of baggage inherited from the materialistic society in which we were raised, which culturally programmed us (via TV, advertising, and every other dimension of our consumer society) toward a life of materialistic self-fulfillment, at the same time completely disinclining us toward a life given over to Spiritual Realization.

For those of us who got past that "self-fulfillment trap" (perhaps because we realized we were going to die anyway, that all our materialistic self-indulgence wasn't going to do a damn thing about that, and that "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" was an inadequate — and therefore unacceptable — response to one's mortality), we faced a new hurdle. We had to deal with "New Age spirituality" programming that geared us toward teachers, workshops, endless techniques and tricks, and "do-it-yourself spirituality" altogether — and that, at the same time, steered us away from Gurus and Spiritual Masters, and reinforced the Western egalitarian viewpoint in which everyone was "equal" to everyone else (and in which the notion that someone could literally be "holier than thou" or could be one's "Master" was offensive or taboo).

Of course, among other things, that common "New Age" viewpoint makes oneself the Guru of the process of self-transcendence, which is like putting the fox in charge of the hen house! Or if you prefer, it's like thinking you can get to the Olympics without a coach. (The usual way this oversight happens is by focusing on the "God-Realization" part without including the "self-transcendence" part, as though the former could occur without the latter. As Adi Da puts it, there can be no Realization without renunciation; and, for this reason, He tends to not use the phrase "God-Realization" in isolation, preferring the longer, but more accurate phrase, "self-transcending God-Realization".)

Another thing: the viewpoint that one doesn't need a Spiritual Master presumes (incorrectly) that one would somehow be able to Realize something great, without the help of a Spiritual Master. For instance, one would somehow be able to have access to a steady unrelenting source of Spiritual Transmission or Revelation, like a Spiritual Master provides, but without a Spiritual Master. (Exactly where would one find such a Source, for real? Within oneself? Just always magically available in the universe, somewhere? Not!) Such a steady source of Spiritual Transmission is necessary if one is to duplicate a great Spiritual Revelation, and realize It as one's own Realization. This notion of being able to realize something great on one's own is an interesting hypothesis, and a lot of people make it, based on being granted a moment of Grace here or there. But moments of Grace here or there are not sufficient for anyone's perfect Realization of the Divine. A longterm process must be engaged, that necessarily relies on and drawns upon a steadily available Source of Grace (available even over many lifetimes: however long is necessary).

When we finally began to realize that we could go to endless workshops and seminars, gain some techniques for assuring a little "peace of mind", be able to endlessly reflect on great truths like "we are already free" and "I am That" — and yet, still remain essentially the same person on the spectrum of Spiritual Realization (i.e., body-based in our view of reality), we began to realize that great Spiritual Realization (of the kind capable of enabling the Realizer to transcend all limitations of life and death) is a gift that only comes through a longterm relationship with a Spiritual Realizer who is also a "Spiritual Transmitter". We recognized as false the analogies made between Spiritual Realization and materialistic technological advances, that led people to dismissive (but incorrect) conclusions like: It's the twenty-first century, and spiritual "technologies" have advanced to the point where notions like the "Guru-devotee relationship as the means to Realization" are "antiquated" and "outdated". And we recognized that the only form of "spiritual practice" capable of enabling the student to duplicate the Master's Realization is indeed the traditional devotional relationship, based on the principle: you become what you meditate on.

At this point in our progressive understanding and spiritual journey, there was the matter of which Realization and which Spiritual Transmitter (and associated spiritual practice) to consider and to commit oneself to. For many of us engaging this consideration of "comparative spirituality", Adi Da stood out right away, because He has communicated how the whole process works with incredible clarity and comprehensiveness; He has characterized and classified all the various Realizations and all of the world's religious and spiritual traditions (via His "seven stages of life" framework); and He has made it clear that what He was Transmitting was the Ultimate Revelation: the Divine Reality Itself. So we started reading Adi Da's books, talks, or essays; listening to His talks, or watching videos and looking at pictures of Him; attending events in the Adidam community nearest us; talking with devotees to hear their experiences with Him, and their spiritual recognition of Who He is. (This site is full of such accounts.)

But then more obstacles rose up in the path! This time they were focused on Adi Da Himself. For me (back in 1987 or so), it was my mother (a devout Catholic) sending me newspaper clippings about Adi Da that she had obtained from the (now defunct) "Cult Awareness Network", about a lawsuit against Adi Da, and various other "accusations". I certainly can't blame my mother for trying to look out for my well-being. On the other hand, her bottom line, based on her upbringing, was essentially: all religions except Catholicism certainly wouldn't get you to heaven, and anyone claiming to be the Divine Person incarnate (other than Jesus) must in fact be the devil in disguise — a view I rejected after extensive study of the world's many religious and spiritual traditions. She also expressed a kind of conservative bias that favored large, "established" religions over small, new religions. I came to understand that which religions become "established" or large has little to do with "truth" or Revelation, but a lot to do with a Darwinian process that enables religious groups with certain social traits and skills to survive better than others.[5]

Did He or Didn't He?

Well, that was part of what my own personal obstacle course looked like back in 1987. For those now discovering Adi Da and considering taking up the God-Realizing Way of Adidam, one frequent stumbling block is their running across websites which list things Adi Da allegedly did that ended up ostensibly hurting some devotee.

When spiritual seekers who have visited such websites arrive at our doorstep, they generally (and not surprisingly!) are quite confused. They are impressed and often deeply moved by Adi Da's obvious wisdom and compassion; they are often also deeply moved by seeing His pictures or videos (many are feeling His Spiritual Transmission in some form), or by hearing the extraordinary stories of Revelation by His devotees. But they are then completely confused by the negative rumors going round. And so generally, they come to us with questions of the form, "Did He or didn't He?" (Or: "If He did, then can you account for why He did it in Spiritual terms?")

• The source of these stories is a very small, unrepresentative (but very vocal) group of ex-devotees. Most ex-devotees are not at all negatively disposed toward Adi Da and Adidam, and many maintain positive relationships with the Adidam community. For example, here is a recent independent study conducted on this. One of the findings: 91% of ex-devotees consider Adi Da a "great religious teacher". A comment from a former devotee like the one below is not unusual:
  
  

  [In response to a story about Adi Da:] As a devotee of Adi Da during the late 1970's and early 80's, I very much appreciate your acknowledgement of Master Da's influence on your life and on the evolution of spiritual teaching in our time. He taught me more than I can possibly recount, and I, too, am profoundly grateful.

  
  Here's a more extensive comment from another former devotee, Jill Kelly-Moore, responding on a public website to someone asking her about the negative stories:
  
  
  

  Jill Kelly-Moore: When I lived in the community (end of "Garbage and the Goddess" days) there were long periods of very serious practice. Once in a while, on a Friday, Master Da would call a party, during which time all living conditions were lifted. I saw those times as ways of determining just what anyone was really craving that the conditions prevented. For me it was coffee, and forbidden foods. But I do have an eating disorder, so that fits. Most people in my households indulged in cigarettes, alcohol, a bit of pot and some sexual fun; that was all I witnessed. It was a nice change from the conditions, but usually, we were back on the conditions on Monday. As I said before I was not part of the inner circle. I never really wanted to be. I knew intuitively that I was there to be a student, live the life of a student, to gain insight from that. There were those who did want the inner circle and frankly, it seemed Master Da gave them a double dose of what that would mean; he would give things (position, influence) and take them away with great rapidity, which I took to be a lesson tailored for that individual so they could see what they were doing. I cannot answer to all of the rumors, stories, lawsuits, etc. because I did not witness any of that. My experience there, while challenging to the set of situational ethics I had invented from living in counterculture, was wholly good. While I am aware that most people, including you, I guess, are much more interested in the seedier and more spurious stories, I cannot speak to those. I believe I was given exactly what I needed. . . [On leaving:] I knew I was not completely committed, heart and soul, to Master Da as Guru and God. I did not think it fair to others to stay under those circumstances, even though I was having a wonderful experience and will always speak kindly of Master Da and my time there.

  
  Or read this in memoriam from a former devotee who is no longer formally practicing as Adi Da's devotee, but who considers Adi Da to be his "root-guru".
  
  

  Terry Patten: My root-guru, Adi Da Samraj, passed a year ago this Thanksgiving in Fiji. He was 69. I was a devotee of this great God-realizer from the age of 22 until I was 37. He not only profoundly transformed my life and consciousness, but, I think, helped transform the entirety of contemporary Western spirituality, even though he is not nearly as widely known as he is influential. On this anniversary of his passing, I remember him with gratitude, and look back in amazement at his legacy. Please know, words fail here. To speak about Adi Da is to nominate oneself as one of the blind men reporting on the elephant. Adi Da was one part Jesus Christ, one part Picasso, one part Nagarjuna, one part Marlon Brando, and one part Genghis Khan. And more. . .

  
  This is true of many "former" devotees: they still consider Adi Da to be their Teacher or Spiritual Master (or one of their teachers or masters), even if they have associated with other teachers or masters in the meantime.

  Nancy C. is no longer a formal devotee of Adi Da, but the reason she "left" may surprise the reader:

  
  

  Nancy C: Even though I am no longer a formal student, the argument of [Adi Da's] teaching has stayed with me, and I have remained suspicious of my self-involved motives at every turn. It has made me more tolerant of other ways of life, and more open to change. . . He criticized me for being an idealistic romantic, and wanting to make my own religion rather than turn to Him. In fact, I seemed incapable to submit to that relationship in a mature fashion, and I came to wonder if the whole construct of the Guru-devotee relationship was even possible for me. I entered into it very naively (and also with a lot of baggage). But every time I saw Him, I was so immersed in love. Even when I view a picture of Him now, I come to rest in truth. He awakens me to love. I have experienced awakenings with viewing other murtis, viewing a tiger, and even just being present with anyone brings me into that experience again . . . but with Him it always goes deeper. . . I’ve called Him a madman, I’ve called Him a saint, I’ve called Him a hedonist, and a trickster. I’ve called myself a sheep for following Him, but now I yearn for Him, and can only find Him, in everything and everyone. I see Him now as I write, mad with Love, and longing to be connected to something beyond my ordinary limitation. Anything short of that is unbearable. The gift He gave me was like no other gift I have received in my life. . . I found in Samraj Adi Da a doorway from maya, even though it nearly killed me to see what was necessary. . . I left Adi Da Samraj because the revelation of Narcissus was unbearable to me. Yes, there were “others” that hurt me, that abandoned me, but it’s what I did in the face of that which created the real suffering. You can say anything you want about this incredible being, Adi Da Samraj, but in my reality, He was the only one who showed me true love, who was willing to insult me to the ultimate degree to help me to see my real condition. Every day I pray that I live the gift of revelation He gave me. I pray that I live as an open heart surrendered to truth, and aligned to the beauty He demonstrated to me. In my life, He was the only one that loved me freely and fiercely. Not "me" as a separative ego, but me as an aspect of the Divine shining to infinity and throughout each and every body-mind.

  
  

  Another man explains why he will not "recommend" Adi Da to most spiritual seekers:

  
  

  I am not Pro, per se, nor am I Con either, in retrospect, and after years of deeply considered and completely amazing relationship with Adi Da Samraj and "The Community", I am instead in Mystery. Most Spiritual Teachers currently will promise you a vision, a meditation, or something, something that will alter your present State of dissatisfaction or unhappiness. Adi Da Samraj promised me nothing. I have been asked by younger spiritual seekers if I recommend Adi Da Samraj, and I say "No" — not because I feel Adi Da Samraj is invalid; instead, it is because most spiritual seekers are casual "seekers", looking for "the Blue Pearl", a "Chakra High", or some casual Enlightenment to surmount the World and remove their fear of Death. Adi Da Samraj supplied none of that. Adi Da Samraj was a disappointment to almost all casual spiritual seekers. Adi Da Samraj was everything you did not expect or want. If you sought Asceticism, He appeared to be Self-Indulgent. If you wanted Self-Indulgence, He only offered you the deepest personal Asceticism. He would upset you deeper than any relationship you ever had, and you became enthralled with Him more than with anyone — Ever. Adi Da Samraj fulfilled the Classical Guru function; He was a "Fire", and He burned you — one does not approach The Guru without a gift, or casually. With most, I do not share my relationship or experiences with Adi Da Samraj. . . they are too close, too personal, too dear, and only a tiny few have the capacity to feel into the understanding of such a relationship. He was not a conventional Man.

  
  
  
  
• Many of the alleged "incidents" flat out didn't happen. This includes those allegations that formed the basis for the primary lawsuit — read this letter from the complainant, Beverly O'Mahony, which completely exonerates Adi Da:
  
  

  Beverly: I agree that 99% of what I have seen of any reporting on the Community/Guru is horseshit.

  
  It is also worth noting that, in 2006, a devotee in England was involved in a child custody case where her ex-husband thought he could gain some legal advantage by bringing up in court all the slander he could find about Adi Da Samraj on the Internet. The judge went through every allegation, and dismissed every single one of them as being either hearsay, rumor, or utterly irrelevant, and having no legal basis in fact.
  
  
• Some incidents occurred, but are greatly twisted out of context by Adi Da's detractors. As just a few of many examples, read our stories from Lynne Wagner, Katsu, Eileen McCarthy, and Sally Taylor, who provide the actual context of the "incidents". For example:
  
  

  Lynne Wagner: When told that I was being sued for "imprisoning" Beverly, my first response was amazement. It was such a distortion of the real events, I could not believe that she was serious. During the couple of weeks Beverly was on retreat in Fiji, I talked with her two or three times about her practice and what she was going through with Brian. She was very unhappy about their relationship and determined to confront him when she got back to California. Discussing her marital problems was uncomfortable, but I was Brian's friend, had just met Beverly and wanted to help them, because I thought they loved each other. I suggested that Beverly stay on the island a bit longer, take some time to relax, come to terms with her feelings of anger and betrayal and consider all the issues she wanted to bring up with Brian. And that's what she did — she waited a week or so until the next boat came to the island, and then she left. She certainly was not "held against her will".

  
  

  Or read this article from longtime devotee, James Steinberg, who attended virtually every occasion with Adi Da, including those associated with the alleged "incidents". From the article:

  
  

  James Steinberg: There is no denying that our community had great periods of experimentation in the emotional-sexual area. I never witnessed nor heard of anything I would describe as 'sexual abuse', and I have been to many, many gatherings.

  
  

  You may also find it helpful to read this article on how all such experimental considerations were completely voluntary. From the article:

  
  

  Crane Kirkbride: I've had personal examples of when I received “strong encouragement” to participate in a particular consideration relative to some aspect of practice and said, “no.” And it was let go — no forcing. Strong invitation, because Adi Da clearly saw something about me that could have been served by my being seen or revealed or exposed or released through participation. But even so, there was no forcing. In all the years I've been around Adi Da — thirty-two, or however long it is now — I've never seen anybody forced into a position that he or she clearly said “no” about. . . . I remember one occasion (among many) when a devotee simply said, “I don’t need it and I’m not interested.” And so he didn’t participate. And there was no problem about it.

  
  
  
• Some incidents require recognizing that Adi Da is a genuine Spiritual Master and Spiritual Transmitter, and understanding what that means. Read our stories from Connie Mantas and Chris Tong and Wes Vaught for just a few of many examples. Or read James Steinberg's article on Money and the Guru, for another dimension of this, as well as James' book, Divine Distraction, about the esoteric nature of the Guru-devotee relationship (with Adi Da in particular, and throughout history altogether).
  
  Just to illustrate how things get distorted, here is what Connie Mantas wrote, in response to rumors on various negative websites that Adi Da "hit a pregnant woman in the belly":

  Connie Mantas: Around September or October of 1974, I was in the last trimester of my pregnancy with my son, Ben. Spontaneously one evening, as we stood near the Master's Chair chanting softly to Him, Beloved Adi Da reached out and placed His hand very forcefully on my swollen belly. I fell back in a swoon of His Spiritual Force onto the devotees who were standing behind me, and we all just stood in that moment together. I closed my eyes and continued to feel His Spiritual Transmission very strongly in my body. Then it was over just as quickly as it began. Later, at the end of the evening, I still could feel the touch of His hand on my stomach, and I had a sense of His strong Blessing, as if by placing His hand there He were calling His devotee into being. Several months later, I had a wonderful baby boy, fully healthy and strong. Many years later, that baby boy, Ben Grisso, would grow up into a young man with a very strong devotional response to Adi Da. During the final years of Adi Da's human lifetime, Ben lived with Adi Da on Adi Da Samrajashram and served Him directly, helping Him create His Image-Art.

  
  
• There are a few incidents for which we may never have any (conventionally acceptable) explanation.

Over time, we'll be saying more about this (here on this site), pinning this down more precisely, identifying which accusations fall into which category above, etc. Indeed, our "Crazy Wisdom" section and our "Lawsuits, Countersuits, and Media Circuses" section already contains many firsthand accounts that provide the actual details and context for a number of these incidents; and we'll be adding many more of these over time.

Of course to have to focus on what Adi Da didn't do (like those anti-Adi Da sites do throughout, or like we are doing here for a brief moment) is to completely miss what He did do. In addition to the extraordinary gifts He gave (and continues to give) to everyone — His ongoing Spiritual Transmission, the Empowered Sanctuaries, His amazingly profound, comprehensive, and Revelatory Teaching-Wisdom, His Revelatory Image-Art, a worldwide community of devotees capable of invoking the Divine for real, advanced practitioners of the Way of Adidam who provide ongoing inspiration and practical guidance, etc. — this site contains hundreds of stories from individual devotees, expressing their gratitude to Adi Da for countless gifts, from Divine Revelation and Spiritual Transmission to human maturity and freedom.

To get immersed in what Adi Da did or didn't do (or to allow it to become the sticking point in one's approach to Adi Da) also misses the overarching reality of the Way of Adidam: those devotees who have received the Revelation of Adi Da as the Divine (the only right starting point for becoming Adi Da's devotee) to the point where they have been transformed by that Revelation are not at all troubled by (or fixated on) such questions. The Reality of the Divine — Revealed by Adi Da in every moment of contemplation of Him — has become so profound and so obviously the Center and Purpose of truly sane life, that the suggestion of throwing out the "Baby" (that direct, tangible access to the Divine in every moment) with the "bath water" (those questions) seems truly absurd for such devotees.

Even so, many of Adi Da's devotees had to go through a process where they initially had to grapple with their doubts; but where — in the end — the impact of Adi Da's Revelation on their hearts was too powerful to dismiss, and ultimately, would transcend those doubts. Here's a story of a young man going through exactly that process recently, and coming out the other side.

The Critical Difference in the Viewpoint of Adi Da's Devotees: the Revelation That is Recognition of Adi Da (and Four Criteria Associated with That Revelation)

It is this last point that is absolutely critical when considering the "Did He or didn't He?" kind of questions. Perhaps you, the reader, are someone who hasn't yet had the Revelation I am describing (let alone the repeated Revelation, consistently repeatable in every moment of practice of the Way of Adidam, via an endlessly reliable Source). But what I am saying is this: if you did receive that Revelation, then you — like me — you wouldn't really care about the "did He or didn't He" questions! Not only because, given that Adi Da is no longer humanly present, you have nothing to worry about what He might "do" to you; that's true enough too, practically speaking. But the deeper reason is: because it's besides the point, once you get the point.

The Best Focus for Interested Spiritual Seekers: Receiving the Revelation

So here I am, having access to this Ultimate Treasure, wanting to share it with you, knowing you are interested in Adi Da, but perhaps not yet in the same place as I am, where the virtue of the Treasure that He Is authenticates Itself, and no further questions are necessary, only practice.

Because it is simply great fortune that lands me in this spot (rather than in your shoes) — there but for the Grace of God go I, as the old saying goes — it is my obligation to find a way to pass this Treasure on to you. (As it turns out, the Grace of God is in fact the means; but most people don't have the means to locate that Grace on a regular basis.) What do I recommend you do, then, in this situation? Everything you can do to open yourself to receiving that same Revelation, of course.

You could ask me "Did He or didn't He?" questions till the cows come home; and I could provide you with detailed and even satisfactory answers to every single one and yet — you could still have doubts! Why? Because the "Did He or didn't He?" form of questioning is not a process or consideration that has any clear endpoint or guarantee of convergence.

If I could, I'd just find a way to give you directly the Revelation I've already received, and which has relieved me of the confusion or doubt such questions can otherwise create. And in fact, some of us are experimenting with ways to facilitate the reception of that Revelation for interested people (for example, through certain types of courses).

In addition to taking that course, I'd recommend that you yourself do everything else possible to facilitate that Revelation in your own case. It is a Gift, so there is nothing you can do to "cause" it to happen. But you can facilitate it by contemplating the possibility of the Revelation. And you can facilitate it by understanding and relaxing any resistance to it in yourself, anything that might keep you from being open to that Revelation.

Contemplating the possibility of the Revelation includes immersing yourself in Adi Da's "Room" (as Adi Da often refers to it) to the degree that you can study His Word, listen to His talks, view videos and pictures of Him, talk with devotees about Adi Da and the Way of Adidam, view His Image-Art, and attend events in the Adidam community nearest you.

In addition, because this Revelation is not just a matter of immersing oneself in Adi Da, but also a matter of self-understanding — of discovering (and transcending) all the ways one is pre-disposed to be closed to that Gift — I'd recommend considering which of the following "pre-Adidam" issues (not specific to Adi Da or the Way of Adidam) may apply (to some degree) in your own case:

Recognize any of these in yourself? Most of us have some of them; it's almost inevitable when raised in a materialistic culture. If any of these patterns are in play in you, they will tend to block the reception of Adi Da's Revelation, either limiting it or shutting it down altogether — sometimes through knee-jerk reactions. (In fact, these tendencies and viewpoints are just as much a matter of consideration for devotees as for interested non-devotees, because they represent the habits and cultural programming of a lifetime; they don't just disappear overnight, even after the Revelation is given, and one becomes a devotee.) For instance, if you are bothered by the "non-egalitarianism" in a phrase like, "Only-By-Me-Given" (which appears here and there in Adi Da's Teaching, and is based on His comprehensive, comparative study of all the precedents in the world's spiritual and religious traditions), that very disturbance will tend to block your reception of His Revelation. You'll be so caught up in your reaction to His words, that you'll miss Him!

The Real Consideration for Spiritual Seekers Interested in Adi Da: "Is He or Isn't He?"

In terms of facilitating Adi Da's Revelation in your own case, the "Did He or didn't He?" questions will not serve to attune you with that Revelation, the prerequisite for becoming Adi Da's devotee. They only stir up doubt, and answers to them at best only relieve doubt (momentarily); both are self-oriented activities, whereas the activities that serve the Revelation do not return you to "yourself", but rather open you to the Divine Reality (that includes, but is greater than, "you").

More specifically, if you are someone interested in the possibility of becoming Adi Da's devotee, but have doubts:

Taken together, these two observations imply that the Revelation is taking place on a different, deeper "level" than the questions, the question-answering, and the questioner — hence the Revelation "pulls the rug out" from under the questions, the question-answering, and the questioner. The Revelation and the questions (or answers to them) have nothing to do with each other! The only connection is a negative one: when the doubt, fear, or other reactivity engendered by questions (or answers to them, or lack of answers to them) causes one to become closed to the possibility of this Revelation, and thus causes one to choose not to invest the time visiting Adi Da's "Room" to the point where you receive this Gift.

* * *

Let me tell you a personal story that illustrates this point about different "levels". One evening, on the island of Naitauba in Fiji, I was Graced to be in a gathering of devotees with our Beloved Guru. He was dancing around the room, and we were all dancing around with Him. We were dancing to a song whose refrain focused on the words: "Me . . . Me." As the singer would sing those words, Adi Da would point to His own chest, and mouth the words, "Me . . . Me."

Of course, I knew that our Beloved Guru is the focal point of our practice, and the very means of our Realization, and that's what He was humorously indicating, as He pointed to Himself. But for some reason in that moment, I suddenly entered into a contracted vision, where all I could see was a roomful of apparent cult members, all following their apparently megalomanical leader ecstatically, with me being the only one not caught up in and going along with the "delusion". It felt terrible: I had no desire to have this "vision", but I couldn't do anything about it. In that moment, it possessed me.

Adi Da instantly perceived where I was at, and just as the music reached the key line of the refrain again, He looked straight at me, and shouted: "ME, Tongue^[6], ME!". The Force of His Spiritual Transmission completely blew "me" away, and instantly I was restored to His Domain of Perfect Happiness and Perfect Non-Separateness. All doubt, all questions, all contraction was gone. It was like when the sun comes out: before and after; or when you have a moment of doubt in your intimate, but then her radiance and love toward you in the next moment makes you realize how unfounded and self-generated (and downright silly) your doubt was. I saw how I had literally contracted into that depressed state, and the doubts and questions were a product of the contraction. I saw how Adi Da had literally Blasted me out of it, and back into Him, into His State. I was beaming with happiness, and joyfully returned to dancing around the room with my Beloved Lord and my friends.

No amount of intellectual argument could have dissolved that depressed, doubtful state I had been in. It was literally an Awakening, a change of State that did it. And the instant I was no longer in that state, all my questions and doubts vanished as well. They were uttery irrelevant.

* * *

"Are there any questions?" was one of Adi Da's favorite lines when He gathered with His devotees, and from it — the questions asked by devotees, and Adi Da's responses — came thousands of talks filled with extraordinary wisdom. He humorously said once that, collectively, we were an "Avatar of reluctance", whose resistance to (and therefore, weakness in) practice, along with endless questions, were what led Him to create His extraordinary and comprehensive Wisdom-Teaching.

And from time to time, Adi Da would tell us that the deeper purpose of this exercise of gathering and answering our questions was simply to provide a means to keep us occupied — to keep us "in the Room" with Him — while He transformed our state with His Spiritual Transmission, dissolving the questioner in the Enlightened State of Divine Ignorance. And that indeed was what would happen: late in the night, He'd ask again, "Are there any questions?" And there would be none: not because we had asked every possible question, but because we ourselves had been dissolved.

* * *

As I mentioned earlier, it's quite possible — even likely — that a moment of crystal clear, self-authenticating Revelation will be followed by many moments that are less clear, in which — if one is not careful — one can doubt what was Revealed, or someone else can introduce doubt. For instance, one of Adi Da's detractors reading this might twist around what I wrote, and suggest that the moment where I perversely envisioned Adi Da and His devotees dancing around the room as a megalomaniac and His cultic followers was not a moment of egoity on my part, but a moment of clarity, and His Blasting me with His Force, was His putting me under His "spell" again.

It is possible to doubt anything and everything! — even that which you held most certain in another moment. As a rejoinder to the traditional saying, "Faith can move mountains", an old Persian proverb proclaims, "Doubt makes the mountain which faith can move." (And indeed, this whole article is in some sense about faith — not of the belief-based kind of conventional religions, but faith as Adi Da uses the word: faith that is grounded in direct Revelation.)

And that's why it's so important to have an understanding of, and clarity about, the entire process in which you are engaged (which is the point of this article), so that, if and when a Divine Revelation comes your way that authenticates itself with crystal clarity, you allow every aspect of your being to be imprinted with that Revelation and the memory of the absolute certainty you feel; and intentionally make a part of your spiritual discipline from then on to keep your eye out for the onset of doubts (from yourself or others) that might jeopardize your connection to that Revelation, and to the thread of practice capable of restoring that Revelation in any moment — just like you readily commit yourself at your wedding ceremony to keep your eye out for (and work to banish) anything that comes along in your married life that could work to undermine the love relationship you have with your spouse.

The process of repeated Revelation (to the point of Realization) can be undermined in any number of ways:

• I've seen a lot of people who never really allowed Adi Da's Revelation to deeply penetrate them (to the point of recognition of Him as the Divine), and so they rather easily moved on to other Gurus and spiritual alternatives. (It's something like promiscuous people whose deep fear of commitment makes it difficult for them to enter into the real depth of intimacy, or anything but superficial relationships, which they leave at the first sign of difficulty, or when something new and attractive presents itself. They may even "get married" for a time, but the label of "marriage" does not change their superficial participation in it, anymore than "becoming Adi Da's devotee" for a time changes a person's superficial participation in it, if that is their pattern.)

• I've seen a lot of people gain and lose the thread of practice which links one to Adi Da as the Divine. (Adi Da has referred to it as a "thread" because it is very delicate when one is still a beginner.)

• I've seen people confess God with absolute certainty in the presence of Adi Da, and then never return. (One was a well-known Hollywood movie star, who sat next to me as we both sat before Adi Da. You'd probably recognize his name immediately. He confessed to me the Revelation of God afterward, only to return from our Holy Wood in Northern California to Hollywood, and be talked out of his conviction by caring but spiritually ignorant friends who mocked his "gullibility".)

• I've seen many people who — in the manner of "armchair" comparative religionists [7] — study many spiritual possibilities at a safe distance, feeling very "knowledgeable" about them all, but (fundamentally because of doubt and the associated inability to commit) never actually take up a life of practice within the living context of any one of these traditions; as a result, their only "fruit" has been a lot of knowledge about various Realizations, but no actual Realization.

• And then I've seen some devotees who did allow themselves to be deeply penetrated by Adi Da's Revelation, but who also later allowed themselves to be confused by doubts about Adi Da's behavior or things they didn't like about the community, to the point where they left. But even having left, year after year, they'll criticize Adi Da. (Such people tend to be the source of the "negative websites".) If one were to take them at their word, one would expect them to have moved on in their life years ago. But they don't, and their "anti-Adi Da" websites get bigger every year (as they repeat saying the same things over and over again, like a broken record). As I read their cynical words, they feel to me to be lost souls, who, on some deeper-than-conscious level, are aware that they threw away Something of extraordinary value without realizing it at the time, and have not found anything that could replace It, that could enable them to truly move beyond that loss, even decades later. The greater the Treasure, the greater the sense of loss when It is gone — and then, for some, the greater the bitterness expressed.
  
  Interestingly, though, because the connection between Adi Da and His devotees is eternal (even if they no longer call or consider themselves 'devotees'), His Grace continues to serve even His greatest detractors. When they discover they can't "get rid of Him", they are required to reach a different understanding of who He is, to attain some measure of psychic peace in themselves.
  
  For example, the ex-devotee who refers to himself as "Elias", who is the creator of the most prolific "anti-Adi Da" website and who has been Adi Da's most vocal critic, recently offered a radically different view of Adi Da than the negative one he has been posting on the Web for years. In the context of an extended, ongoing exchange primarily with another vocal ex-devotee critic (Conrad), Elias describes how his experience of Adi Da and Adi Da's actions has changed over time, through psychic, visionary awareness of Adi Da, and interaction with Him, especially after Adi Da's Divine Mahasamadhi on November 27, 2008. Here are some excerpts from that exchange.

  
  

  Elias: Yeah, at the end of the day, I am with Da on almost everything he said. I am even willing to cut him a great deal of slack on his activities. [Nov. 9, 2010] Adi Da's entire meaning and purpose and reason for being was (and is) to shake you and challenge you and offend you until you fall out of the passivity and stupor of submission to everything that is going on around you — the illusion of an objective world. He once said that he was like a black hole appearing in the midst of a starfield — an opening to what lies beyond this universe. What this means is that in his own life (here and elsewhere), he is a dynamic exponent of unsupported awareness that dissolves and swallows every mindform, karma, and sanskara that comes within its ever-expanding field of Consciousness. In that he is an individual — a man who engaged in a great work and achieved a transcendent result. [Nov. 22, 2010] What I see is a continuous revolution of mind and "modifications of consciousness" in the West to reach toward a truthful reflection of an underlying numinosem — the Self — that began moving on the West over a hundred years ago. . . . What there is is a great Gift that was given long ago, and is only slowly (but steadily) being integrated into our culture. Believe it or not, I see Adi Da as a facet of that Gift — and a very important one, esoterically speaking. [Dec. 17, 2010] Some people will say that Adi Da wasn't anything like I am claiming or suggesting. They will say I am inventing a new Adi Da, a version of him to lay to rest the inner contradictions I feel about him. Could be. :-) [Nov. 22, 2010] Conrad: I was familiar with Advaita before I even came to Adi Da, which in part was why I was able to understand his teachings fairly well. But even I tended to make the mistake of thinking that he had an original interpretation or point of view, and in most cases this is simply not true. It's a common mistake in Adidam devotees who are unfamiliar with the Advaitic tradition that Da draws upon for most of his esoteric teachings. Elias: My own view is that statements like the above — which are not uncommon among those who seek to find a fulcrum from which to dismiss Adi Da — reveal a profound failure of the intuitive faculty relative to Adi Da. My own view is that Adi Da picked up the teachings of Advaita, Buddhism, and Kashmir Shaivism because he recognized them as expressing precisely what he knew directly, beyond concepts and words. . . . You might say that [Conrad] (and others) are taking [Adi Da] to task for honoring the tradition from which he springs! Imagine that! My view (which has coalesced in the years since Adi Da died) is that he not only sprang from the Eastern traditions, but he actually transcended them. And in that, he was a priori something new entering the universe from the Heart of Reality, or God. [Nov. 22, 2010] You might ask, "What's up Elias . . . you criticized [Adi Da] for thirty years, and now you talk like a disciple?" No, I am not a disciple. But I do know directly of what I speak. And that's why I'm not afraid to say it. . . . [Nov. 22, 2010] OneLove: My contention is that [Adi Da] was divided against himself, as so many incidents seemed to indicate. . . If his behavioral patterns worked for some to "shake them out of the illusion of an objective world", more power to them. Elias: OneLove, my experience was similar to yours. Now it is different. What's the difference? Well, for one thing I discovered that Adi Da communicates openly from "beyond the grave" (strange term that!)... For another thing, his communication with me has always been interactive, give-and-take, and "quantum" in the sense that my awareness affected him as much as his awareness affected me. This in itself made me understand something about the unitary field of awareness. All the above makes me barking mad in the eyes of those who remain firmly locked into earth-side consciousness, I know. But so what? I've always gone my own way, still do, and am happy to report back to my friends in Munchkinland from time to time. [Nov. 27, 2010] Conrad: This is a really interesting development in your views of Da, and I think it bears a good deal of explanation, rather than just cryptic sideways mentions like this. Seeing as you have been THE leading figure in the vast Da-criticism field (okay, not that vast really), this sounds like a very significant conversion process that virtually begs for explanations, and lots of them. . . . I wonder if you feel any sense of conscience now about your own extensive criticisms and denunciations of Da (the whole black sorcerer and "enemy of the Self" business comes to mind) and if you feel an obligation to correct yourself and explain your newfound views of Da. Elias [dismissing the suggestion that he provide a reasoned explanation to account for his changed views]: One guy even emailed me that I ought to issue a blanket apology for "misleading" people over the last fifteen or twenty years! He thinks that the few statements I have made recently contradict everything I said before. They do not. . . But no one will understand how that is so by maintaining and defending a fixed position in the collective mind. [Nov. 27, 2010] From what [Conrad] says, it appears to have been a reasoned choice rather than a vision that drew him into the Guru path. More's the pity, but at least he allied himself with a damn good Guru, one of the best of our time in my opinion! [Dec. 19, 2010]

  
  

Perhaps all who were touched by Adi Da will recognize Him as the Divine at some point, or be restored to that recognition — but it might take lifetimes to restore that recognition, once lost. What I've illustrated here are primarily useful object lessons for what not to let happen in your own case, as you consider Adi Da, and open your heart to the Divine Revelation He offers to everyone. If that Revelation arrives, stay in the Room with It! Treat It like the precious Treasure It is.

Don't ever allow yourself to lose It.

It's easy to come into this process with all kinds of fairy tales about spirituality, romanticizing what Spiritual Masters and Revelations should look like. Or having romantic (and naive) notions like, "The Truth will always out" when what is more accurate (especially in this time, but to some degree, in every time) is, as Adi Da puts it: "God is great. But unfortunately for you, bullshit is greater!"

For example, when I was much younger, I had the romantic notion that when you received an authentic Spiritual Revelation, from that moment on you would live "happily ever after", in the certainty of that Revelation. I could even associate that notion with a scene in particular movie that had made a strong impression on me when I was young. In Miracle of Fatima, a lifelong atheist and skeptic finally was shown an extraordinary miracle (the sun appearing to fall from the sky, but then restored to its proper place [8]), causing him to slowly take his hat off, lift his eyes to heaven and say with great feeling, "Only the fools say there is no God." (The implication being that, from then on, he was a transformed man, and that he never had any doubt again.) Doubt was not a part of my romantic conception of spiritual practice! But in fact, so long as there is still a self to transcend, there is still the potential for doubt — as well-known spiritual practitioners and Realizers have confessed, from Mother Teresa to St. Teresa of Avila to Jesus of Nazareth (Eloi, Eloi, Lama sabachthani: "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?"). When one is Adi Da's devotee and has received this Revelation, it's best be aware of this likelihood, and prepare for it ahead of time, so as to not be caught unawares at the appearance of doubt (either doubt of Adi Da or doubt of self), or without the self-understanding or the Spiritual means for restoring the Revelation. Just so, it's useful to know these facts about doubt before becoming Adi Da's devotee, so one doesn't presume that becoming Adi Da's devotee must coincide with not having any more doubts. Short of Divine Enlightenment, such a moment never comes!

* * *

So for those who are interested in or attracted to Adi Da and the Way of Adidam, but have not received Adi Da's Revelation and may have questions and doubts, I'd like to make a recommendation: one that takes into account any questions and doubt you may have, but also takes into account the fact that asking questions or having questions answered is not, at last, the way one becomes a devotee: "you can't get there from here", so to speak! The existence of God can never be demonstrated by verbal interchange; God in the human form of Adi Da can only be Revealed directly, when your growing relationship with Adi Da spontaneously immerses you in the Divine State in a moment of Grace.

It should also be pointed out that the metaphor of "shopping" in a "spiritual marketplace" for a spiritual teacher — squeezing this orange here and sizing up that apple there — doesn't really apply either, to a process whose entrance requirement is a Graceful Revelation from our very Source — not a report card from us, "grading" the very Source of our existence!

For these reasons, what I'd like to recommend — for those interested in the possibility of becoming Adi Da's devotee — is that you focus on a different consideration, which resonates better with the possibility of you too receiving that Revelation. I'll call it the "Is He or Isn't He?" consideration. It is organized around the far more overarching, far more intriguing, question, "Is Adi Da the human incarnation of the Divine Person"? — an ultimately inescapable question, since Adi Da as incarnation of the Divine is the very basis of the Way of Adidam. This question focuses your attention on the body of evidence that supports a "yes" answer; and of course, your eventual receiving of the Revelation is the "yes" answer itself (and the only final resolution of the "Is He or Isn't He"? consideration). This form of consideration also brings you into relationship with Adi Da Himself (not merely caricatures or cartoons of Him, questions about Him, etc., which only serve to keep Him "at a distance"), and the only way the Revelation occurs is through that direct relationship, and a moment of openness to Him, that allows His Grace to flow your way and penetrate your heart.

Details of the "Is He or Isn't He?" Consideration

That extraordinary Communication — that Adi Da is here as the Divine Person in person — has been the primary communication of Adidam for years now. In fact, Adi Da made this Communication right from the start of His Teaching Work back in 1972. For example, during a Prasad Day talk in May, 1973, He said, "The Divine is here." He then quietly added in passing: "I am here." He briefly paused, as though to see whether anyone ("who has ears to hear", as Jesus might have put it) had caught that passing (but extraordinary!) remark. Then He continued on the theme of the talk.

But He didn't begin to really emphasize this point until about 1990 or so, when He felt He had a large enough (and spiritually strong enough) body of devotees who could confirm the truth of His Communication to interested public (on the basis of their having received that Revelation themselves).

Of course, one of the things we need to do to engage the "Is He or Isn't He?" consideration fully is to be absolutely clear about what is meant (and not meant) by "Divine Person" and "incarnation of the Divine Person":

I say this because virtually everything He has written or spoken is infused with the language and viewpoint of the Divine Person. His Words really don't provide any middle ground for His being a genuine Spiritual Transmitter (which even His detractors acknowledge Him to be), but not the Divine Person. Some people have suggested that He got "deluded" over time, and that in the early years of Teaching, He spoke and wrote in a way that suggested he was one of possibly many Spiritual Masters of similar Realization (which manner of speaking and writing everybody liked and appreciated, because of our modern Western cultural programming to be "egalitarian"). But — as I pointed out earlier — in fact, right from the start, He made it perfectly clear that He was the Divine Incarnate. He just mentioned it in passing, now and then, but since 1990 (having, as I've said, a significantly sized body of devotees who could confirm it to the world through their own reception of His Revelation), made it the primary and regular Communication — as obviously it should be, if it is true!

So that's it: Is He a madman? (If so, all the additional evidence suggests He must be a genuine and great Spiritual Transmitter as well as a madman.) Or is He the Divine Person Incarnate? That's the main question for you to consider, if you are interested in becoming Adi Da's devotee! If, after looking at all the evidence gathered on this site, you really conclude that He is a madman, then you probably should just move on (for now). But if you can't reach that conclusion — if you just can't dismiss the huge volumes of extraordinary Wisdom that He has given, the extraordinary Image-Art, the spiritually empowered Sanctuaries He created around the world, and all the rest, as the work of a madman — then there really is only one other conclusion. . .

That intellectual conclusion alone is not a sufficient basis for becoming a devotee. It simply is what enables you to commit your time and energy to residing (with an increasingly open heart) in Adi Da's "Room", to the point where you receive the direct Revelation of Who He is — and on that basis, become a devotee.

What Flows from the "Yes, He Is" Answer to the Recognition Consideration

Here's something else to consider. Consider how many things that are otherwise the source of great confusion and reactivity fall into place if Adi Da simply is who He says He is, and you consider how the Divine Person (in whom the entire conditional universe is arising) would speak, write, or act, or all the implications that follow from His actually being the Divine Person in human form.

Consider how utterly consistent and immensely detailed His Communication is (about Himself as the Divine Person), and consider whether a madman is capable of such detail. (Usually, if you go up to the guy in the mental institution who's imagining he's "Jesus" or "God", all it takes is a couple of simple questions to poke holes in the delusion: to get him to say something inconsistent or to ask him something for which he can provide no great detail.)

Consider how statements that are otherwise seen as "egotistical" (wherein Adi Da calls attention to Himself and instructs devotees to place their attention on Him) are exactly what you would expect (and what actually serves the process of God-Realization), when they are understood to be the call by God Himself (here in Person) to place attention on God so as to Realize God, based on the spiritual principle: you become what you meditate on.

Consider how statements that might otherwise come across as "megalomanical" (if an ordinary person were speaking them) are simply true if the speaker actually is God. How "humble" would you expect the statements made by the One in Whom the universe is arising to be, anyway? Such statements wouldn't necessarily reflect "arrogance" either; statements made by that One simply factually describing His Reality — the Divine Reality Itself — would naturally sound "grandiose" to us. Here's an example. One evening, when I was in Adi Da's bedroom at Naitauba for an all-night gathering with Him (He had been talking with us for hours already), He pointed to His body and said humorously and in a matter-of-fact voice, "This body is a P.A. system for God." It was a remarkable statement, one that I never forgot, and one that I pass on for your consideration — but a simple statement of fact, from where He stood.

Consider the following passage from a spontaneous talk by Adi Da. Consider your response to it if you presume an ordinary person is speaking these words. Then consider your response to it if you presume that a genuine Incarnation of the Divine Person (one with a New York manner of speaking!) is speaking these words (and consider further the amazing and mind-blowing opportunity of being able to "listen in" on God contemplating God):

Consider how, if you are the Divine in human form, statements You make about the uniqueness of Your Revelation can simply be the result of Your having studied the world's religious and spiritual traditions (using both the conventional means we all have at our disposal along with greater-than-material means you have at your disposal as incarnation of the Divine), and not found any other Revelation like Yours (at least not one that You can say with certainty was not a myth or merely a philosophical intuition, and is still an available Spiritual Transmission capable of Divine Awakening). Consider how that completely resonates with the notion that, by virtue of how a Divine Incarnation actually occurs, Divine Incarnations are not a "dime-a-dozen" happening, but more like a "once-in-the-history-of-universe" happening, because they depend on the occurence of an exceedingly rare combination of circumstances.

Consider how if You were the utterly free Divine Person — infinite, eternal, beyond life, death, and all the limits that are so meaningful to all of us — and You saw your devotees stuck in (what from Your viewpoint would be utterly petty and meaningless) attachments to this or that, and suffering their asses off, how you would feel completely free to shake up those attachments in all kinds of ways (perhaps offending them greatly in the process by violating their emotional-sexual "contracts" with each other, violating their taboos and phobias, etc.), to get them to stop endlessly sizing themselves down and contracting themselves into mortal egos (and all the attachments that come of that limited identity), and instead be set free in the infinity of Divine Being.

Consider all this, and then stay engaged in this "Is He or Isn't He?" consideration (of course spending most of your time opening yourself to the "Is He?" side) until you receive the Revelation. That's my recommendation!

There simply is too much that is extraordinary in the story of Adi Da — His Life and Work — to allow you to just dismiss Him as a madman. Who and What is He, then? That's what there is to consider! As He once humorously said, quoting Charles Dickens' Spirit of Christmas Present, "Come in and know me better, man!" In a real sense, the approach to becoming Adi Da's devotee and, after becoming His devotee, advancing in the practice of the Way of Adidam^[9], is entirely about getting to "know" (or Realize) Who He is, better and better — to the point of Realizing Him perfectly.

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FOOTNOTES