Finding Adi Da > Chris Tong

The Devotee Feeds the Guru,
and the Guru Feeds the Devotee

Chris Tong

Chris Tong

Chris Tong has been a devotee of Adi Da Samraj since 1989. He is one of the founders of this website. You can read his biographical information in the About Us section.

  1. My earliest Darshan
  2. The happiest moment of my early life
  3. A crisis of faith
  4. Finding my Guru and positive disillusionment
  5. The summer of synchronicity
  6. Becoming Adi Da's devotee: the eternal relationship
  7. The capability to feel with the heart
  8. "Touch My Heart, and I Will Widen You To God Knows Where"
  9. "And eat the Excess Offered from His Great Food-Dish"
  10. Footnotes

1. My earliest Darshan

Mary TongMy mother was a true pioneer. After spending ten years in a Catholic convent as a nun, she decided that it wasn't truly the spiritual life she had longed for . . . she hadn't found God there, just a group of well-intentioned but rather ordinary women, and the egos that tend to butt up against each other whenever communal living is attempted. So she left the convent and entered the graduate program in mathematics at Columbia University in New York City, where she met — and then married — my father, who was a brilliant young professor of mathematics there.[1] With his help, she completed her Ph.D. and became the first woman professor of mathematics at Columbia University in the late 1950's.

Adi DaHer specialty, which she taught undergraduate students in her classes, was "transfinite numbers" — the study of different kinds of infinities.[2] Little did she know that an Infinity of a very different kind would enter her classroom! Many years later, she would tell me she had a student named Franklin Jones, who stood out in her memory because, after class, He would always be down at the front of the classroom with a crowd of students gathered around Him. In 1988, Franklin — Adi Da — would give a talk that drew upon this curious notion of "different kinds of infinities" that my mother taught, and, as was His way, turned it into a profound lesson about Spiritual Realization.[3]

I was born in June, 1957, while my mother was teaching at Columbia. She would sometimes take me with her into class during my first year of life, which was rather unusual for the time — but, as I said, my mother was a true pioneer. Adi Da began His studies at Columbia in September, 1957. When I asked her about it years later, my mother said she certainly would have brought me into the class He took with her.

So, even though I cannot remember it directly (and even though I will never know the full nature of its impact on my life and its course), any story about finding my Guru must begin with the earliest time He Graced me with His Darshan! (He would have been 17 or 18 at the time.) [4]

2. The happiest moment of my early life

The happiest moment of my early life occurred in 1970, when I was thirteen. My family had just moved into a new house in a new town. I was setting up and cleaning my new room, and was listening to a song on the radio, when an overwhelming Revelation of the inherent Happiness of Reality washed over me. I was incredibly happy! And that moment was imprinted on me, to the point where, whenever I would hear that song in later years (even now), I would reconnect with that moment and that Happiness. Naturally, having no greater understanding at the time, I attributed the experience to the circumstance itself. But, these many years later, I can look back and know (with much more life experience under my belt) that just being in a new house and listening to a particular song can be pleasurable, but it doesn't send me into an overwhelming, ego-dissolving state of ecstasy!

It would only be years later that I would make the connection that the day I had that Revelation — September 10, 1970 — was the day my Spiritual Master, Adi Da Samraj, re-Awakened to Divine Enlightenment. And it was clear in retrospect that His Realization washed over me and many other beings on that day, like an immense explosion spreading outward across the entire cosmos. I was not yet His devotee, of course — He would not begin formally accepting devotees until 1972. But from that moment on, He began meditating His future devotees, and so I'm very happy to be able to describe what it was like to be on the receiving end of that Great Meditation that He described in His autobiography, The Knee Of Listening:

Avatar Adi Da Samraj after His Re-Awakening in September, 1970In this most perfect Realization of Non-separateness [on September 10, 1970], many extraordinary Divine Siddhis suddenly, spontaneously appeared. . . I spontaneously began to "meditate" countless other people, and also countless non-human beings, and countless places and worlds and realms, both high and low in the scale of Reality. I observed and responded to all that was required for the Awakening and the true (and the Ultimate) well-being of each and all. And, each time I did this (and, in fact, the process quickly became the underlying constant of all my hours and days), I would continue the "meditating" of any (and each) one until I felt a release take place, such that his or her suffering and seeking was vanished (or, at least, significantly relaxed and set aside). Whenever that occurred, I Knew my "meditating" of that one was, for the moment, done. By such means, my now and forever Divine Work (by Which I must Teach, and Bless, and Awaken all and All) began.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj, The Knee Of Listening

Adi Da once said that — as the human incarnation of the Eternal Divine Person prior to all space and time — His impact on His devotees' lives was so profound that it could even change their past.

In some real sense it is also true that when you become My devotee, even if you were not in any sense before — having become My devotee, you become My devotee in your past as well as in the present. It covers all time. You all must have seen films or read stories in which time is played upon — time machines or whatever else, or somebody gets the ability to change the past, and it changes for other people as well. Well, it is literally so when you become My devotee. It may even be that, if you examine your past (having become My devotee), you realize things about it that are different than it was as you remembered it before. And you remember other aspects of it, and they become important even in the present time in a way that they were not before.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj
"You Become My Devotee in Your Past As Well As in the Present"

I wonder a little about that possibility as I write this story of "finding" Him in this lifetime, and recall these various moments that suggest He was in my life long before I ever "knew" of Him! But perhaps it is just as He once said to another devotee: "When are you going to learn that our relationship doesn't depend on time and space?"

Whatever may be the case, it certainly makes writing this story much easier! — since it is not merely a conventional, egoic story about "my" life, but the story of the Divine (in the living form of Adi Da) in my life from the very start. . . and then over and over again.

3. A crisis of faith

Former nun that she was, my mother taught her children simple, heart-felt devotion to God. Among other things, she would lead our family in praying the rosary together. Our home was full of books about the lives of the saints, and we had all the volumes of the Catholic Encyclopedia, to familiarize ourselves (should we so choose) with the fine points of Catholic theology. I also served for several years at the local church as an altar boy.

I would carry that Catholic faith with me until I was a young man, attending Columbia University in 1975 (like my father and mother before me) — and the extensive and rigorous education process there ripped that faith from me, leaving me in a profound crisis of doubt.

While at Columbia, I was exposed to a great variety of new influences — the ones considered most influential in shaping "Western civilization" . . . from the ancient Greek writers, to Hobbes, Hegel, Darwin, Marx, and Freud. While a few of these sources (for example, St. Augustine and Dante) were religious, most were materialistic in their philosophy and secular in their focus, and the fact that all of these new viewpoints seemed to have a grain of truth to them shattered my childhood simplicity.

Adi Da's description of His time at Columbia University matched my own experience there perfectly:

Adi Da at Columbia UniversityThe experience of study at Columbia was completely devastating. I had never in my life encountered any kind of sophisticated thought. But now I suddenly became aware of the literature of the world. The mood at Columbia in those years was profoundly solemn and critical. . . . Grayson Kirk, who was then president of the University, introduced us to college life with a serious speech about the rising problems of humanity. He promised that Columbia would not teach us the answers, but we would perhaps learn the questions. Altogether, he indicated that Columbia would not make us Happy, but he promised that we would learn how to think.

I was deeply impressed by his attitude, and that of the entire formidable crowd of lecturing "thinkers", talking (and otherwise in attendance) there. Immediately, Columbia seemed like an emininently appropriate, and even ideal, place in which to expand my doubts — but I was puzzled that one of the highest institutions of learning could represent itself as anything but the bearer of Truth. I soon learned that the Truth was always in research in such places. They are not institutions of Truth. They are marketplaces of doubt.

I began to read the deposits of Western culture. And all my idols lost their Power. To begin with, I learned that the "Holy Christian Truth" was anything but the real substance of Western civilization. There is a thesis emphasized in all the little bits of thought generated in a university education. In that thesis, the human being is described as necessarily mortal, functionally conditioned, and (at best) "creative" as a social animal. Also, the universe is described as materially prior to conscious life, and it is chronically understood without recourse to religious or Spiritual propositions... Every book I read and every course I took emphasized this thesis in some unique fashion.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj, The Knee Of Listening

That profound crisis of faith changed the course of my life, and sent me searching in new directions. I ceased being a practicing Catholic, and began instead to value and explore psychology as a means for gaining self-knowledge: my unconscious motivations, the reasons why I was not completely happy, and what I could do about that.

On a practical (and karmic) level, I excelled in my academic studies, following in my parents' footsteps. By now I also had a string of "accomplishments" to add to my resume. In sixth grade, I had placed third in a New England-wide public speaking contest. As a high school junior, I had been awarded a research grant from the state of New Jersey for new research into the origin of life. As a sophomore at Columbia, I received the Professor Van Amringe Prize for "best freshman or sophomore mathematics student". As a junior, working during my summer break at IBM's Thomas Watson Research Center, I developed a new algorithm that was considered a breakthrough in the area of system stability.[5] As a senior, I was the narrator of Columbia University's annual Varsity Show, for which I was interviewed by New York City's Channel 5 News — and, for one evening (my "15 minutes of fame"!), was recognized everywhere I went in Greenwich Village because of a cover story and picture that had appeared in New York City's "cultural" newspaper, The Village Voice.[6]

Chris at Columbia University, 1978

I graduated from Columbia summa cum laude with a 4.0 grade point average and a degree in computer science in 1978. I then moved to California to attend Stanford University for my graduate studies, because it had a reputation for being the best graduate school in the world in the area of computer science.

It all "made sense" on the level of the practical. But on another level, it also was simply another sign of my Guru's presence and influence in my life — a kind of "synchronicity" or "psychophysical resonance", as I (unknowingly) followed in His footsteps: becoming an altar boy at the local church (as He had been); winning an award in a major oratory contest for young people (as He had done); and attending the very same schools He had attended (Columbia, then Stanford) seventeen years earlier.

* * *

In contrast with the frenetic (and, at times, even harsh) urban life of New York City, I experienced California as a great relief — a place where I could relax psychically, and focus on personal growth. Again, Adi Da's words about His own move from New York City to Palo Alto, California, describe very well what I was feeling, as I began my new life at Stanford University, and in northern California altogether:

  The hills above Palo Alto, California
the foothills above
the Stanford university campus

My arrival in California was the most instantly healing and supportive experience of a purely external kind that I had yet enjoyed in my life. The sunlight was so deeply radiant, the air so soft, and the hills and country all around so dramatic and beautiful that I became marvelously light and, in the most positive ordinary sense, happy. Since that time, I have traveled many places in the world, but, for me, the areas of northern California — with the incredible mountains and forests of Yosemite, the dramatic coastline of Big Sur, and the beautiful city of San Francisco — remain equal to the most glorious physical environments on earth.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj, The Knee Of Listening

Perhaps because the very psyche of the land supports and nurtures it, California is always giving rise to new "personal growth" movements and spiritual experiments. And so it was natural that, while I was pursuing my graduate studies in computer science, I also made time to explore human and spiritual potential. I participated in an EST-like organization called Lifespring, whose "encounter group" experiences [7] helped move me beyond the limitations of ordinary psychology into a larger view of reality, that included the possibility of "Enlightenment" as the greatest human potential. I started reading the literature of Eastern spirituality, and began personally experimenting with the notions I was reading about. I began having energy experiences of various kinds. For the first time, I read about the Guru-devotee relationship in the various spiritual traditions of the world; and I experienced the tangible spiritual transmission of two Gurus: Jiddu Krishnamurti, while reading one of his books; and the shaktipat guru, Yogi Amrit Desai, as he drove past and looked at me (while I was on a brief retreat at his Kripalu retreat center in Massachusetts).

It was all excellent preparation for finding my Guru.

4. Finding my Guru and positive disillusionment

Adi Da
Adi Da's picture in The Dreaded Gom-Boo

In 1983, Adi Da's books were in the spiritual literature section of virtually every bookstore in northern California. Through that Graceful means, I was able to find and read His book, The Dreaded Gom-Boo. On a couple of visits to my favorite local bookstore, I picked the book up, but put it down again shortly after, because the picture of Adi Da that I saw when I opened the book did not match my notion of a "Spiritual Master". (For one thing, He was American, not Indian.[8]) But the third time I picked the book up and opened it, I made it past the picture and actually started reading it. I instantly recognized that Adi Da's communication was on a completely different level than that of any other book I had ever read: His Teaching only communicated from the viewpoint of Ultimate Truth, and only supported the Realization of that Ultimate Truth. It was uncompromising in its refusal to let the reader lapse into a lesser view or become fascinated by a lesser Realization. Even so, it accounted for all those lesser views and Realizations (and what was "fascinating" about them), at the same time as it clearly identified their limitations.

This was what I had been groping for, in the dark, for years — but had only been finding little grains of "truth" here and there, which I had tried to piece together, like a jigsaw puzzle, into a meaningful portrait of the nature of reality. Suddenly, here was the entire Truth, given all at once (all the pieces already fitted together into a coherent whole), and over and over again, described from every possible vantage point — truly the richest possible Treasure that can be expressed in words!

I immediately began reading everything Adi Da wrote. My practical life continued its course — I completed my Ph.D. at Stanford, and, at 26, I became a professor of Artificial Intelligence at a major university (Rutgers University in New Jersey). I supplemented and supported what I was learning from Adi Da by driving up to Connecticut once a week, to the home of Alexander and Leslie Lowen (the creators of bioenergetic therapy) [9], and engaging in bioenergetic therapy with them. But all the while, I was studying Adi Da's teaching and being re-oriented to (and re-organized by) His radical viewpoint of Truth Itself.

To actually become Adi Da's devotee and fully take up the Way of Adidam, one also has to go through a process Adi Da calls "positive disillusionment".[10] We are born here with karmic patterns and forces that powerfully drive us to continue in our ordinary destiny, lifetime after lifetime.[11] In order to participate in a Greater Destiny, we must not only find the Guru, who makes such a Greater Destiny available (and recognize Him as a "Spiritual Transmitter" of such a Destiny); we must also become dis-illusioned with our ordinary destiny and whatever keeps attracting (and binding) us to it. Without going through such a dis-illusionment process, we might formally become Adi Da's "devotee", but we won't actually progress in the Way of Adidam, because, as Adi Da once put it, we'll have one "foot" in spiritual life and one "foot" in the world, and the bigger "foot" will be the worldly one.

The possibility of true spiritual life, or participation in the graceful process of liberation in the prior, Divine Reality, begins only when there is conviction in the functions of life and intelligence of the inherent suffering of manifest existence (its essential dilemma or self-contradictory condition) and the fruitlessness of all destiny and action to produce liberation or true happiness (since all action is separative, self-defining, and a realization of limitation). . . . When the conviction of suffering and hopelessness matures to the point of profound psychic and psychological disorientation from the conventional theatre of experience, ordinary or extraordinary, so that there is heightened sensitivity to the intuition and influence of the Divine Reality, then the individual becomes circumstantially related to the stream of true Teaching and, at last, to the direct influence of the manifest Guru.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj, Epilogue, No Remedy

I remember a particular moment which epitomized that process of positive disillusionment in my own life. I was at "the top of my game". It was 1989. I was a world leader in my special area of Artificial Intelligence (AI).[12] I was an award-winning teacher, and I and my Ph.D. students were making breakthroughs in the hot new area of knowledge compilation.[13] We had papers in all the major AI conferences, and I was constantly being called upon to lead workshops, edit books about my field, be on the editorial board of major journals, etc.

In short, from a spiritual perspective, it was the kind of worldly success that could keep me karmically bound for lifetimes!

I recall an afternoon when I found myself heading toward a bar in a classy hotel in Orlando, Florida. I was the "program chair" for all the science and engineering papers being presented at one of the major annual AI conferences. And I was joining my fellow conference organizers for a pre-conference drink. I felt like I had "made it", and was meeting up with the members of a very "elite" club that afternoon — and was now one of them.

I entered the bar, and saw the chairman of the program committee sitting there. We waved and smiled at each other across the room, and then I sat down at the bar with him and joined him for a drink. We made small talk for a while about the conference, and our lives altogether, and then fell silent, sipping our drinks.

I sat there and, in the deepening silence, I was able to take a good, long look at the man. I suddenly realized: he was miserable! And his face mirrored my own unhappiness. For all our accomplishments, for all our success, we weren't happy. Not very. Not really. In all those years, there were a few pleasurable moments when we basked in the recognition of our peers, or, outside our careers, we shared some enjoyable times with our family and friends, or were blessed with some relatively rare personal moments of peace or illumination.

But, as the old song goes: is that all there is?

I knew from my study of Adi Da's Teaching, and my growing intuition of the nature of Reality based on my growing response to Him, that the answer was a resounding NO! But, even knowing this, how easy it would be to let my life continue to slide by rapidly, in effect (if not by intention), just settling for the modest pleasures and successes of conventional life, and never actually Realizing anything greater . . . and then we die.

That moment, and what that man's face revealed to me about my own limited, karmic destiny, were the culmination of a longterm process of positive disillusionment with conventional life that had been going on for years, ever since the crisis of faith I had experienced at Columbia. I would eventually leave the academic world a few years later, when Adi Da invited me to do so, to serve His Work instead. But in some sense, my emotional and psychic departure truly began in that moment.

That dis-illusionment with the karmic path of my life was "positive dis-illusionment" in exactly the sense Adi Da meant that phrase: it freed me up for a Greater Alternative. . . becoming Adi Da's devotee and practicing the Way of Adidam.

5. The summer of synchronicity

I would soon become Adi Da's devotee — but not before He Gracefully gave me an extraordinary Revelation about the nature of Reality as a Unity that transcends the apparent split between the subjective and the objective.

I had been reading Adi Da's autobiography, The Knee Of Listening, a book filled with Revelation. One of its many extraordinary Revelations is described in the chapter, "The Understanding on the Beach".

In this chapter, Adi Da describes a period and process He went through early in His own life (while living on a beach in Northern California). The sense (and action) of "separate self" is the source of the apparent distinction between "inside" and "outside": internal, subjective events (like feelings, thoughts, dreams, etc.) and external, objective events. Begin to transcend that sense of separate self, and the wall between "internal" and "external" — which we ordinarily presume is a given — starts to crumble.

In the process, one experiences remarkable revelations, and eventually discovers (and realizes) the synergy of the mind and every movement of Energy in the world. It was this synergy, or synchronicity, this conscious coincidence of the internal and external world, that I discovered (and realized) at that time. . . The internal and external events in my experience began to demonstrate a common source or, rather, a coincident pattern. My own thought or images, then, began to arise in a similar pattern to my external experiences. A narrative was being constructed as my very life, which was itself a mythic form.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj
"The Understanding on the Beach", The Knee Of Listening

All this process of writing and observation that I described to you — in that process, I discovered the inherent Unity between subjectivity and objectivity. It got to the point of such openness to it all, that something would occur in a dream, and a corresponding thing would happen in the waking state. That inherent Unity absolute in everything was Revealed through that process of submitting Myself. . .

A thought would occur or an image, in the waking state (or sometimes in dreams), and the next day or within the following days, "exteriorly" (in "life mode"), I'd see a similar "something", or have a similar experience. I'd think of someone, and then see them walking down the street. This didn't just happen once or twice. This was happening over and over and over again. A thought would have a correspondence in the world. There would cease to be any difference whatsoever between the subjective and the objective. They were "in cooperation" with one another, part of a Unity.

So I proved this by entering most simply and deeply into this process of observing, without the slightest inclination that it be one way or another.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj
the CD, The God Who Truly Is (March 28, 1994)

The Unity between the internal and external worlds was the Revelation Adi Da received during His time on the beach through profound sadhana, and — simply through reading His account (and being open and responsive to Him) — I Gracefully was given a form of this same Revelation.

I have already mentioned some amazing synchronicities that gave my life the feeling of a dream or, to use Adi Da's phrase (in the first quote above), a "mythic form" (that was almost like a fairy tale, organized around Him): being in His physical company (at Columbia University) when I was an infant and He was still a teenager; being meditated by Him on September 10, 1970, the day of His Re-Awakening; going to the same universities as Him — Columbia University (for undergraduate studies) and Stanford University (for graduate studies).

But over the course of the summer of 1989, I began to have extraordinary experiences of synchronicity non-stop, in the way Adi Da had described in His autobiography. I'd have a thought, and then something in the "external world" would complete the thought, or complement the thought. It might be something on a billboard on the side of a road; a song on the radio; a newspaper headline; something someone else said to me; etc. It took many forms, but, in these synchronicity experiences (which would happen many times each day), whatever was "outside" would resonate with a thought or feeling I had just had "inside".

I began to enjoy looking around to see just how the universe was going to reflect some thought or feeling I was having. . . and often would laugh at the humorous form of the universe's "response"!

For example, on one particular day, moved by Adi Da's Teaching about "egoity as the avoidance of relationship", I was exploring the nature of relationship. I would "try" to be relational with everyone I met, but — it didn't matter how I chose to express or not express myself — the very effort of trying to be relational seemed to undermine actually being relational, and reinforce the feeling of being separate.

However, the next day, I woke up in a very happy state, and throughout the rest of the day, I was effortlessly relational with everybody, beaming at every person — I couldn't help myself! And the response was extraordinary: everyone beamed back at me. It all was completely effortless, completely spontaneous, on my part and theirs. So this was the secret: to be relational, you just need to be already happy. You can't start from the position of being separate and do something strategic to become non-separate or relational; you simply have to be already non-separate — initially through Grace, and ultimately, through Realization. The key, then, is to be "linked up" with a steady, relentless source of Grace — like Adi Da.

At the end of the day (of work at my university), I walked out to my car, feeling exuberant at having received a great lesson. I stepped into my car, sat down, turned on the radio, and my mouth dropped open as I listened to Frank Sinatra singing, "When You're Smiling, The Whole World Smiles With You". I burst into long and loud laughter. If I had been watching my life turned into a movie, no one could have picked a more perfect (and perfectly delightful) song for the soundtrack to accompany that particular "scene" in my life!

When you're smiling,
when you're smiling,
the whole world smiles with you.
When you're laughing,
when you're laughing,
the sun comes shining through.
But when you're crying,
you bring on the rain.
So stop that sighing:
be happy again!
Keep on smiling,
'cause when you're smiling,
the whole world smiles with you!

* * *

I was able to document another miraculous synchronicity that summer, through a series of photographs.

I had set up a simple altar in my room, with a photograph of Adi Da in the center, and a vase of fresh cut flowers on the side, which I replaced every couple of days.

One day, one of the flowers began to move!

It was too slow for me to see the movement simply by watching. But, after leaving the room for a few hours, I came back and could swear that that flower had changed position!

So, to persuade myself that I wasn't seeing things, I began taking photographs every few hours, to capture what appeared to be a miracle in progress. . .

Here is the result.

A flower turns toward Adi Da
Keep your eye on that drooping purple flower to the front and right!
(Click on image to view enlargement)

A flower turns toward Adi Da
It has now swung to face forward. . .
(click on image to view enlargement)

A flower turns toward Adi Da
And now it is RAISED UP, and is turning toward Adi Da!
(click on image to view enlargement)

The whole time, just that one flower moved. All the others remained stationary.

Many years later, I would discover that there were other occasions when flowers miraculously turned toward Adi Da (when He was physically in the room), or, in this case, toward His picture. For instance, Hellie Kalogeros tells of one such occasion in her story, The Turning of the Flowers. Tom Closser describes another occasion in his story, Everything Bows to the Divine Lord.

Perhaps there is a unique context or significance for each such miracle. On this occasion, synchronicity was the significance. Even as I turned toward Adi Da that summer (in preparation for becoming His devotee), so did this flower in my room.

* * *

In the manner of all great fireworks shows, this entire Graceful, Revelatory summer culminated in an extraordinary finale: a dazzling display of synchronicity upon synchronicity.

My girlfriend and I decided to spend the weekend travelling. We had no particular plans, just the impulse to spend some time away. From New York (just north of New York City), we drove down to Washington, D.C. We took in the sights of the city, and then stopped for a late dinner in a little restaurant in Georgetown, a historic section of the city. Without any idea of what to do the next day, we took a look at the map. There were so many possibilities: spend more time looking around D.C.; visit the Shenandoah National Park; head east to Assateague Island; on and on. We finally decided to visit Luray Caverns in Virginia, a couple of hours drive west. My family and I had visited the caverns when I was a boy, and I remembered being delighted by them.

So we started driving. After a couple of hours, we were almost to Luray. We passed a lot of motels, and then we turned into the parking lot of one of them, for no reason other than we were both exhausted. We checked into the motel, and got the key to our room. After unpacking, I began to settle in, but my girlfriend (who had a heightened sense of smell) was bothered by the mold in the room, so we went back to the office and fortunately were able to get another room.

Next day, we spent the entire morning exploring the vast, subterranean chapels and cathedrals of stalactite and stalagmite formations in Luray Caverns, which we both thoroughly enjoyed. Then we drove home.

The following weekend, I visited an old friend in New York City. I hadn't seen her in years, and we greeted each other warmly. We started "catching up" each other on our lives. At some point, the conversation came round to the previous weekend.

She and her boyfriend had decided to get away from the city and go travelling.

I smiled, thinking: "Sounds familiar."

She described how they just got in the car, and with no plan in mind, headed down to Washington, D.C.

I sat up in my chair a little straighter, and began to pay close attention to her every word.

After spending a full day in D.C., they ended up in Georgetown for dinner.

Now there were over a hundred restaurants in Georgetown. . . and while nice, the restaurant my girlfriend and I ate at was nothing special so I thought to myself, "No way they would have eaten at the same restaurant!"

Even so, I waited in anticipation.

And then she said the name of the restaurant — it was exactly the restaurant we had eaten in!

This was beginning to feel like a dream. . .

I asked her the time she was there, and it turned out that she and her boyfriend arrived a half hour after we did. All of us were in the restaurant at the same time, but unaware of it.

When I made my friend aware of these remarkable coincidences, she too began to get very excited.

Now we were racing to get the words out, speaking over each other in our hurry.

They too had decided where they should go next, among all the many tourist attractions in the area!

They too had fixed upon Luray Caverns!

They too had headed out on the highway toward Luray!

They too had passed many motels, and then had turned in at random to one of them — our motel!

They too were given (by the same office clerk) the key to the very same (moldy) room. But neither of them particularly noticed the moldy smell, so they took the very same room we had moved out of. . . as it turns out, only ten minutes before!

They too had a wonderful time the next day, as they spent the morning in Luray Caverns — no doubt only a few feet away from us much of the time. . .

And then they too headed home.

* * *

We both sat in silence for a good long while. What else can one do when Reality reveals one of its great Mysteries in such an extraordinary and dramatic way?

6. Becoming Adi Da's devotee: the eternal relationship

At last, at the end of this summer of synchronicity in 1989, I became Adi Da's devotee, in a formal initiation ceremony in New York City (Brooklyn) in which I felt His Spiritual Force crashing down on my head and through my body with great power. One of my devotee friends who was in the room (Jackie Hogan) recalls the occasion. "I was there at your initiation on that hot summer night . . . I remember feeling Beloved Adi Da's powerful descent that night. It felt like He took over all of New York!"

Later that same night, as I was contemplating Adi Da at home (in New Jersey), I was suddenly shifted into a state of Divine Ignorance, where (as Adi Da puts it) "you do not know what anything is". It is not "ignorance" in the sense that that one ceases to know anything or is unable to function. Rather, one's sense of familiarity with anything is completely stripped away. Normally that sense of familiarity serves as a consoling force — but as such, it also tends to work against ultimate Realization. So to have that sense removed can be a great gift in one's spiritual practice.[14] But it turned out to be very disorienting for me. I was not ready to make fullest use of that gift at the time. Consequently, the state dissipated after a day. Nonetheless, it was a Grace-given glimpse of the Enlightened State.

. . . no familiarity whatsoever. No thinking about anything, no being a body, no recognizing names, faces, or what a face is . . . phenomena such as these are cultivated in this Way. They are a potential, by Grace, in My Company, all kinds of experiences. So devotees commonly report experiences, even as beginners, that are in the domain of the advanced stages of life and the Witness-Position, and so on. These experiences should inspire you and give you a sense of what this Way is all about and so forth.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj, January 5, 1995
"There's No Escape, There's Only Realization"

The most important thing that was revealed to me by that experience was this: in direct response to my becoming His devotee, Adi Da had immediately let me know that He was my Spiritual Master in a very real and powerful sense, and He had revealed the kind of tangibly Graceful relationship I was now entered into! And a sense of what practice of the Way of Adidam was capable of Realizing. This was a Way of immediate (and ongoing) Revelation, in which the only limit was "oneself".

I was profoundly grateful for that.

That the Way of Adidam was not a technique but a relationship — whose centerpiece is mutual gift-giving — was a lesson I would learn again and again. I gave Adi Da a gift by becoming His devotee, and that allowed Him — on the basis of a spiritual law: The Sacrament of Universal Sacrifice — to give me His gift of Divine Ignorance. And in some sense, that ongoing process of mutual gift-giving is the focus and "lesson" of this story. (Hence the title, "The Devotee Feeds the Guru, and the Guru Feeds the Devotee".)

The tangible reality of that eternal relationship between Guru and devotee was made apparent over and over again in my life. Soon after becoming Adi Da's devotee, I was invited to give a talk about Artificial Intelligence at a major U.S. company, which arranged for my plane flight down to the company's corporate headquarters in North Carolina. Shortly after I got in my seat on the plane, an Indian man came down the aisle, looked at me, and asked if he could sit next to me. It was a little odd, as it was a mid-day commuter flight, with plenty of empty seats; but I nodded yes. After the plane took off, he turned to me and exclaimed, "You're either a priest, or the devotee of a very great Guru!" I was somewhat taken aback — this was a fellow I had never met before, making a rather personal statement! But I was also amused by his very dramatic pronouncement (which was clearly seeking my corroboration), so I replied: "Yes, a little of the first, and a lot of the second!" He laughed heartily, satisfied. "I've always had a psychic ability to read the core of what a person is, and the communication about your core was very clear. Your Guru's Presence is all around you!" I went on to tell him all about Adi Da and my relationship to Him, and showed him pictures of Adi Da and read him passages from Adi Da's masterpiece, The Dawn Horse Testament, which moved him deeply.

My wife, Mary, tells a related story. She had been seeing a shaman for years, for therapeutic energy work serving the integration of her mind and body. At one point the shaman said to her, "I can't do any more work on you. Your Guru just instructed me to stop and told me that He alone will be working with you from now on!"

Through experiences and accounts like these, it became clear that Adi Da's relationship to His devotees is tangible, eternal, and primary. As the non-separate, all-pervading Divine Person (the Source of our very existence in every moment), He is always with each of us in the most Real sense, wherever we are, whether we ourselves are aware of it or not in any moment. And so part of our practice as devotees is to remember that, presume it, and become ever more directly aware of that Reality in every moment.

A devotee who was about to leave Adi Da's physical Company for an extended period of time told Him how much she would miss Him. His reply to her: "Don't miss Me! Take Me with you!"

On many occasions, Adi Da has taken us to task for casually using language that suggests we are ever "outside" His Company. To say something like, "I wasn't in Your Company when it happened", goes over like a lead balloon. He asks, "What do you mean you weren't in my Company?" So you get down to the details and say, "Well, I wasn't in Your physical Company." He says, "Well, that's different."

Tom Closser, "I'm Talking to Everybody"
Crazy Wisdom, March/April 1988

7. The capability to feel with the heart

Adi Da and Chris TongThe practitioner of the Way of Adidam regularly makes use of a primary instrument or "muscle": the capability to feel with the heart. (This is one of the reasons why Adidam is also called "The Way of the Heart".) To jump ahead in my story for a brief moment: I remember so clearly a moment a few years after I had become a devotee. Adi Da had His arms around me in an embrace, and He whispered in my ear, "This Way is all about feeling!" Feeling is profoundly important, and so the ability to feel with the heart is crucial.

This capability of heart-feeling is not something that can be merely presumed or taken for granted (or treated as though it were a mere metaphor, or a synonym for "emotion"). It is a capability that is awakened by Grace and cultivated by practice.[15] Here is how it developed in my own case. I had begun formal meditative practices in 1989, sitting before Adi Da's Murti for a period of time each morning and evening.[16] Over a period of months, through this process of meditation on the bodily form of the Master, I began to feel something I had never consciously felt before: my heart. Like all of us, I had felt emotions of various kinds — fear, sorrow, anger, pleasure, love, and so on — and many of us casually associate "the heart" with such emotions when we speak about them ("my heart was filled with sorrow" — that sort of thing), even though that's not necessarily where or how we feel them.

But despite the suggestiveness of such conventional language and imagery about "the heart" (whose linguistic origins are rooted in esoteric discoveries made by spiritually gifted individuals in the distant past), I had never before consciously felt (or felt with) the heart itself — the actual source of the capability to feel anything, including emotions. That capability awakened through the practice of contemplating my Spiritual Master, as I followed His Instructions (the underlining in the quote below is His):

Therefore, by always first . . . "Locating" the feeling-Place in you that already and presently and effortlessly feels Attracted to My Avatarically-Born bodily (human) Divine Form, and My Avatarically Self-Revealed Spiritual . . . Divine Presence, and My Avatarically Self-Revealed . . . State, Yield . . . to the feeling of the Inherent "Bright" Attractiveness of My Avatarically-Born bodily (human) Divine Form, and Yield . . . to the feeling of the Inherent "Bright" Attractiveness of My Avatarically Self-Revealed Spiritual . . . Divine Presence — and, by all of this, responsively, actively, and intentionally Yield . . . your ego-"I" . . . in the "Bright" and Very Space of My . . . State.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj, Da Love-Ananda Gita

At first, that heart sensation — that "feeling-Place in me" — was like a tiny, fiery point whose "fire" I would "fan" by feeling from it to my Spiritual Master’s form (as though casting out a "cord" of feeling in His direction). Over time, that flame grew in magnitude to where I could very tangibly feel from my heart, through all the "self" sensations (of body, mind, emotion, and breath), and to my Master’s form, or, for that matter, to anything. By "feeling", I mean not emotions or sensations, but something more like the way "a hand feels into a glove" (a phrase Adi Da uses). It is an actual, tangible ability to reach out with the heart.

As you will read (in just a little bit), this heart-capability would serve an important purpose when I finally met my Guru face to face.

8. "Touch My Heart, and I Will Widen You To God Knows Where"

In July, 1991, I thought I was going on a ten-day retreat at The Mountain Of Attention (in Northern California) — my first such retreat at one of Adidam's Empowered Sanctuaries.

Little did I know what was really in store for me!

Near the end of my retreat period, Adi Da decided to hold a simultaneous worldwide Sitting. He was intending to sit in Darshan with devotees at Adi Da Samrajashram (the island of Naitauba in Fiji), and He invited all His devotees around the world to sit with Him at the same time, wherever they were. At The Mountain Of Attention, we all gathered in Land Bridge Pavilion at the appointed time (7:30 pm). The plan was for Adi Da to sit for an hour, so that's what we all did, and then everybody left the Pavilion. . .

. . . well, everybody except me. I felt a little odd about staying in the Pavilion after everyone else had left. But strangely, I only felt Adi Da's Transmission intensifying near the very end of the hour. After everyone else was gone, I felt His Transmission like a physical tug on my heart. It literally pulled me to the front of the Pavilion (where His picture was placed on His chair, much as He Himself would be sitting on a chair like that whenever He visited the Pavilion in human form), where I felt like I was entering a very tangible and powerful Force Field. I sat down there, right in front of His picture. Another hour passed, and the Transmission was just as intense. Another two hours passed, and finally the Transmission started to diminish in force. I got up, and — since it was now 11:30 pm — I went to my retreat room, ecstatic, but also exhausted, and immediately fell asleep.

The next morning, I had my regular meeting with my retreat manager, and I described to him the curious experience I had in the Pavilion. His eyes lit up with excitement. "We just got word from the Island [Naitauba]. You're not going to believe this! We thought we were sitting here at the same time as Adi Da, but it turned out the event there was actually delayed for an hour. Adi Da only began sitting with the residents at 8:30 pm. Then, because not everyone could fit in the small room originally chosen for the occasion, He sat with a second group of devotees for an hour, and then a third group for another hour. So He started and finished exactly when you felt His Transmission!"

More synchronicity!

My retreat manager called the Island and told them about this. The devotees there felt that I was very much "in synch" with Adi Da, and should come on retreat to Naitauba immediately, to be in Adi Da's physical company.

I hadn't planned at all for a trip to the South Pacific! My university's fall semester was about to begin, and I was scheduled to teach a couple of classes. Fortunately I was able to quickly re-schedule everything, and my professor friends in my department were able to cover my classes for me.

It all happened very Gracefully. At last, I was on my way to Naitauba Island to receive the Darshan of my Spiritual Master in person!

After I arrived, I experienced the first couple of Darshan occasions as a time when I was just getting acclimated to being in Adi Da's actual physical Company. They also took place in a rather unusual setting. Adi Da was completing a forty-day treatment of Kaya Kalpa, an intense, traditional Ayurvedic regimen designed to serve the rejuvenation of the body. It required Him to be in almost pitch blackness the entire time. And so our Darshan of Him was in a very dark room — His bedroom — with a dim red light where I could barely see Him, and what I could see was rather disorienting: He had something turban- or towel-like wrapped around His head, and He was wearing dark sunglasses in the dark room, because His eyes were exceptionally sensitive to light during this period. In those Darshan occasions, He looked a little like an extraterrestrial! I found it hard to connect with Him in feeling.

However, by the time of the third Darshan occasion for retreatants, Adi Da had completed His Kaya Kalpa regimen, and so Darshan took place in a more normal setting (not that any Darshan of the Divine in Person is "normal"!): the inner courtyard of Aham Da Asmi Sthan, His residence on Naitauba.

the inner courtyard of Aham Da Asmi Sthan
the inner courtyard of Aham Da Asmi Sthan

In this Darshan, I would begin to learn how much the Guru-devotee relationship was not only devotional and spiritual, but also very human, as long as the Guru was still alive in His human form. I would discover that Adi Da completely depended on my and all devotees' devotion to Him, both for the survival of His bodily human form, and for the survival and flourishing of His Work of liberating all beings.

The greatest God-Realizers are God-Realizers not by having found a way to be "above it all", but rather by constantly abiding in a state of radical non-avoidance: feeling everything, and feeling beyond (and Outshining) everything. They are even physically very vulnerable to (and spontaneously "absorb") the emotions and karmas of all those around them, and thus their bodily health depends on the human and spiritual maturity (and responsibility) of those who enter their physical Company. Indeed, the Spiritual traditions include stories of great Spiritual Realizers who die unpleasant deaths, in part through absorbing the karmas of their devotees, and the world altogether. (This was one of the spiritual reasons why Adi Da lived on a remote island in Fiji most of the time.)

In Adi Da's case, this absorption of His devotees' karmas (and its effect on His physical health) was compounded by His being the bodily incarnation of the Divine: an immense Divine Force was always pouring through His body, intended for the liberation of all beings. That's a lot of beings. .. and a lot of Force! Only the strong devotional response of His devotees would draw out that Force from His body. If there was insufficient devotional response, the Divine Force would back up in His body and would start destroying it. Only the constant devotional response of His devotees could relieve that ongoing danger.

On the day of my third Darshan occasion, all the retreatants had been informed that their Guru's health was failing because He was not feeling the devotion of His devotees. The Divine Force was backing up in His body, and unless the situation changed immediately, Adi Da might very well die. It was an extreme moment, in a Divinely animated, sacrificial life filled with many such moments. As an incarnation of the Divine, Adi Da endured a lifetime with many extreme and unusual esoteric events, for which there were no analogues in our ordinary human lives.

When I stood before Adi Da in the courtyard that night, I was transfixed. I saw my great Spiritual Master, the Extraordinary God-Realizer, the Divine Incarnate, whose remarkable Teachings and Life-Work were transforming my life and the lives of so many of my friends. But also before me was the most profoundly vulnerable human being I had ever seen; it was so clear that He had made an incredible sacrifice to be fully incarnated here for our sake and that He was now completely dependent on our devotion.

It was like seeing one's child lying helpless in the street, about to be run over by a truck.

My heart-response was immediate and spontaneous: I had to save Him.

My heart opened wide and poured out love for Him. I had practiced feeling with the heart to Him, and now could engage that practice directly in His physical Company — to good effect. And that was the miracle: I literally felt love pouring out of my heart, reaching His Heart, and feeding Him. Then the second miracle began: I felt His Love tangibly transmitted back to me, in a great and overwhelming Wave, which caused my heart to open even wider. I soon found myself totally in love — immersed in this circle of love — totally animating a most direct relationship (at once, both human and spiritual) with my Master, crying out to my Beloved Guru with tears in my eyes, "Let me feed You with my devotion! May You always feel my devotion, wherever I am!" His Eyes gazed into mine. They were soft and sweet. I became suddenly aware that, beyond a doubt, I was looking at Love Personified, and that Love in Person is a Wound, a Great Sacrifice for the sake of all beings . . . and that I must become similarly heart-broken, totally vulnerable, in order to be fully liberated from the endless round of births and deaths.

Thus, it is My purpose to sacrifice Myself, to appear in this hellish domain, in order to make it into purgatory. But it is not My purpose to live in purgatory forever, any more than it is My purpose to have you live in purgatory forever. The purpose of My living is Heavenly or Divine. . . .

Therefore, there is the wounded Master in your company, but there is also the Glorious Master in your company. That wounded one is an instrument with which to draw you out of yourself so that you may enter into the Glorious Domain. In order for this to occur, you must become a devotee.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj, "Love of the God-Man"

At a certain point, the Darshan occasion ended, and devotees began leaving the courtyard, even while Adi Da continued to sit there before us. I will always remember walking backwards out of that courtyard ever so slowly, step by small step, last person to leave, hands raised in ecstatic surrender, my eyes never leaving His, my heart never losing the connection to His Heart. At last, a devotee closed the bronze gates and I could no longer see my Beloved Master sitting there at the far end of the courtyard.

* * *

Touch My Heart, and I Will Widen You To God Knows Where.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj, The Dawn Horse Testament

Adi Da once pointed to His Heart and said, unless there is a devotional approach, this doesn't open:

You must approach Me as a devotee... When someone comes to Me in the form of sacrifice, My Body opens up. I do not tell it to. I respond to that devotional being and presence. That is how this Siddhi Works. If there is no sacrifice of self, no devotional approach, regardless of all the social niceties that may be there, then this [tapping His chest] does not open. You can come to Me for years with your fruit,[17] and there will be no sadhana, no Grace, not even a lesson grasped, because there is a Law alive in our relationship. It is mutual sacrifice.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj
"Touching the God's Heart", The Love-Ananda Gita

That night, I had the experience of what it was like to literally touch Adi Da's Heart, and to feel what happens when His Heart opens: a Divine Flood of Love-Bliss pours out! Feeling that Flood myself that night, I could instantly grasp the huge difference in His experience, between having that immense Force backed up in (and destroying) His body, and having It flow out to His devotees, because of their devotional response. (Adi Da never needed reports from around the world about whether devotees were truly practicing. It was immediately apparent to Him in His very body.)

Over the next few weeks, Adi Da's health would slowly recover, as, more and more, He felt His devotees' love for Him. On a personal note, I would later find out that my Beloved Guru "really liked the way Chris fed Him energy" and felt that I "fed Him very well." To hear this touched me deeply — it was the very reason my heart had opened to give Him my love: to nourish and heal Him in His bodily human form. Other devotees might be in a position to directly serve the well-being of His bodily human form through their personal care; but this was the way that I too could care for my Beloved Guru's well-being, a way for me to feed Him wherever I might be.

And even though I knew Adi Da's human lifetime would come to an end at some point, from that moment on, the very focus and purpose of His life — the survival and flourishing of Adidam and His great and ongoing Work of liberating all beings — became the focus and purpose of my life, and remains so to this day.

* * *

One day during my retreat, I sent Adi Da a small teddy bear as a gift. Later that day, while Adi Da was spending time with His daughters, He picked up the teddy bear from His desk.

"See this little guy? He's been wandering around for lifetimes. But now I've got him, and I'm never going to let him go."

Thank God for that!

9. "And eat the Excess Offered from His Great Food-Dish"

After I attended the last Darshan of my retreat before returning to the United States, my Beloved Guru gave me departing gifts that are seared into my memory forever.

I sat in the outer courtyard of His house (Aham Da Asmi Sthan), in the dark of a Naitauba evening, waiting in delighted anticipation — knowing that, as was His custom with departing retreatants, Adi Da would be sending me "going-away presents" via one of His intimate attendants. On this night, I was alone as I sat, the only retreatant departing the island on the boat that week.

the outer courtyard of Aham Da Asmi Sthan at night
the outer courtyard of Aham Da Asmi Sthan at night
(the bronze gates at the center are the primary entrance to the inner courtyard — see above)

The bronze gates to His house opened. Ruchiradama Nadikanta stepped out. She walked over to where I was sitting, and handed me Adi Da's customary gifts, one by one, all of which He had just Blessed: a bottle of holy water; a packet of pressed flowers; and a packet of sacred ash. I prostrated before the gates, extremely grateful to my Beloved Guru for these gifts and the Gift of His Darshan, which had completely transformed my heart and my life.

But then, as I arose, I was totally taken aback when Ruchiradama Nadikanta made a gesture for me to wait. "I have more gifts for you from Gurudev!" she exclaimed, with a big grin on her face and a twinkle in her eyes, taking obvious delight in my surprise. She went back inside, and when she emerged, she had a small bouquet of very delicate yellow flowers. "These are flowers Gurudev had placed in the Sukra Kendra [Adi Da's most sacred Temple, where, with rare exceptions, only He goes], where He Blessed them for you." I received the flowers from her, and prostrated again, my heart swelling with love for my Heart-Master.

And then Ruchiradama Nadikanta signalled — wait! — again, and went back inside Adi Da's house one more time! When she emerged, she had a bowl in each hand. She described how Adi Da had just finished His dinner. "Gurudev wants you to have these: this is the water bowl in which He washed His fingers before dinner; and this is the fruit left over from His dinner."

I was completely overwhelmed. I lay prostrate on the ground before the gates of my Beloved Guru's house for a long time, feeling the extraordinary Blessing signified by these Gifts, treasured so much within the Guru-devotee traditions around the world.

I never ate a meal or drank a drink so slowly or consciously, feeling and loving my Guru with each small bite and sip, and feeling His Love, which He so clearly was feeding me.

It was an archetypal symbol of the Guru-devotee relationship: the devotee feeds the Guru, and the Guru feeds the devotee. Through this ongoing process of mutual love and mutual sacrifice, the liberation of the devotee takes place.

Therefore, with feeling-devotion, meditate on the Divine Heart-Master's Avatarically Self-Revealed Divine Form and Presence and State. And drink the Water from His Foot-Bath. And eat the Excess Offered from His Great Food-Dish. And, by all these Means, remain aways intimate with the Divine Heart-Master's Constant Blessing and Awakening-Power.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj
from verse 53, Ruchira Avatara Gita

* * *

At long last, I climbed in the truck that would take me back to our retreat quarters on the other side of the island. As we bounced along the empty dirt road, I looked up at the clear and vast South Pacific night sky, so full of stars, and whispered to myself, "Nothing more could possibly happen to make this day any better!"

And just at that moment, blazing brightly, a large, white shooting star drifted lazily across the sky.

The cosmic sign stunned me into silence, and then laughter and delight. The message couldn't have been any clearer:

Never suggest any limits when it comes to the Divine Heart-Master, Adi Da!

This story appears in the following sections:
Finding Adi Da and Extraordinary Evidence

For related stories by the author, read Club Rat and "No Pity for Him!".



More about my father can be found here.


"The study of different kinds of infinities" may sound like a very strange notion (it is!), but here's a way to get a quick feeling for it.

We know that if we start counting: 1, 2, 3, and so on, we will never come to an end. For example, whatever large number you give me (say, 3 gazillion), I can always give you one more: that number plus one (3 gazillion and one). The title of Adi Da's talk, One More Monkey [3], is a riff on this mathematical argument that there are an infinite number of counting numbers because there is always "one more". So we can say the number of counting numbers is "infinite". Mathematicians give the special name "aleph null" (the mathematical symbol is aleph null) to the infinity that is the total number of counting numbers.

So if you ask, "how many are there?" of anything, even if there are an infinite number of "them" (whatever they are), if you can count all of them (even though it would take forever), then the "number" of them (from a mathematical perspective) is aleph null.

But here's where it gets interesting. . .

Most people would presume that you can take any group of things, even an infinite group, start counting them, and eventually you'd hit every single thing in that group (even though it might take a gazillion years before you reached and counted some particular item in that group). But, amazingly, mathematicians have shown that there are groups of things that are infinite in a very strange way: they aren't countable. You can't come up with a scheme for counting all the items in the group, no matter how clever you are, even if you were given an unlimited amount of time to do the counting. No matter what approach you have for counting the items in the group, it will definitely miss counting some items in the group, no matter how long you're given to do the counting. Mathematicians say that such a group of things is not only infinite, but uncountably infinite, in size — in other words (strangely enough), a larger infinity than the counting numbers!

What's an example of an uncountably infinite group of things? The points on the number line between 0 and 1. No matter what counting scheme you can come up with, I can construct an irrational number with an infinite number of digits in it — something like ∏ (pi) — that your counting scheme will miss, no matter how long it is given to count.

As you might guess, once mathematicians "opened the door" and allowed in two different kinds of infinity (countable and uncountable), with one bigger than the other, then there wasn't anything stopping them from going the next step, and conceiving of a much larger variety of infinities. That's exactly what the study of transfinite numbers is all about, and aleph null is only the smallest transfinite number. There's "aleph one" (aleph one), "aleph two", etc.

And how many transfinite numbers — how many different kinds of infinities — are there altogether? A transfinite number, of course!


Adi Da's talk, One More Monkey, can be heard here. Here is an excerpt:

Infinity is a convenience of mathematics. Some "wag" mathematician suggested some time ago that there are a number of different kinds of infinities. . . . You think you're working toward infinity as if it's an end number, having begun with zero. . . . . You are under the illusion that you can be "infinite", you can be "nothing", and you can be "much". . . . This is your apelike illusion! . . . Infinity is simply a sign of the indefinite — in other words, there is no number, "infinity". There's always "one more". . . . The Totality exceeds all limitation, and you are a participant in That, absolutely identified with It.

Avatar Adi Da Samraj, One More Monkey


Of course, after having been in the convent for a decade, searching for God, my mother had the great Grace of teaching an entire course with Adi Da — the Very Divine, incarnate in human form — in her classroom. She would again receive Adi Da's Blessing through me and my wife, Mary, as His devotees — something Adi Da has described is the case for the families and friends of all His devotees. During my mother's life, even though she had a spiritual sensitivity to Adi Da, her strong belief in Catholicism kept her from acknowledging Him as the Divine. But when she passed in 2009, Mary (who helped spiritually link my mother with Adi Da, after my mother's death) had a clear vision of my mother kneeling at Adi Da's feet, looking up at Him in rapture, the recognition of the Divine shining in her face, her lifelong search for God finally coming to rest in Him. My dear mother, may it be so!


R. K. Brayton and C. H. Tong, "Stability of dynamical systems: A constructive approach", IEEE Transactions on Circuits and Systems, CAS-26, pp. 224-234, April 1979. The stability algorithms I developed while at IBM have turned out to have broad applicability, in areas as diverse as biotechnology and the stabilization of greenhouse gases required by the Kyoto Protocol.


Richard Rodgers (piano) with Oscar Hammerstein
Richard Goldstein, "The Great Columbia Riot of 1978: Up Against the Wall of Time", The Village Voice, p. 29, March 6, 1978. (Click here and press the "zoom out" button a few times.) My favorite part of that experience was the night Richard Rodgers (of "Rodgers and Hart" and "Rodgers and Hammerstein" fame — the composer of countless well-known songs and musicals, from "Blue Moon" to South Pacific, to The Sound Of Music) was out in the audience. He had been a Columbia student years before, and had written the music for some of the earlier Varsity shows, and came to watch the show each year it was offered. But there hadn't been a Varsity Show since 1967, and we were, in some sense, reviving the tradition with that 1978 show. Knowing Richard Rodgers was watching the show, we all went through it on stage that night, but were relieved and delighted to hear later that he had liked and enjoyed our show!


For a comparison of encounter group work with the "Crazy Wise" work of a Spiritual Master like Adi Da, read our article on the subject.


I was amused to learn that fellow devotee James Steinberg had a similar reaction to Adi Da, upon first seeing His picture. Of course, for other devotees, a picture was the means by which Adi Da Revealed Himself to their hearts. Different people are moved to recognize Him through different means.


Alexander Lowen was the founder of bioenergetic therapy, and has written numerous seminal books on the subject, including Bioenergetics: The Revolutionary Therapy That Uses the Language of the Body to Heal the Problems of the Mind, Joy: The Surrender to the Body and Life, and Narcissism: Denial of the True Self. The techniques developed in bioenergetics can play a supportive role in the Way of Adidam ("Da bioenergetics"), in much the same way that Adi Da has adapted various practices from Chi Gong ("Da Chi Gong"), calisthenics, and hatha yoga to support practice of "conscious exercise" altogether.


Adi Da also refers to this as "the lesson of life": really getting the point that one cannot become happy (through egoic seeking that attempts to change circumstances and "become happy" as a result); one can only be happy already (through present-time Communion with the Divine).


Adi Da's view of Reality includes reincarnation, which he instructs His devotees to seriously consider as part of their studies in support of their practice of the Way of Adidam. (More from Adi Da on reincarnation can be found in His book, Easy Death.) There is a growing body of evidence in support of reincarnation, most notably, the extensive work done by Dr. Ian Stevenson, which involved his travelling around the world and documenting 3,000 cases of children having "past life" memories that he personally confirmed (by identifying the places and people in their "past life" memories and actually finding and then visiting those places and people in present time). For more, read Dr. Stevenson's books, which include Twenty Cases Suggestive of Reincarnation, Children Who Remember Previous Lives, and Where Reincarnation and Biology Intersect (1997).

Feeling the reality of reincarnation often plays an important role in the process of positive disillusionment. In the West, our focus is on "just this one life" (whether we are materialists who don't believe in survival beyond death, or we are raised in the Judeo-Christian-Islamic view of a single life, followed by a final spiritual reckoning). As a result, we tend to put a lot of emphasis on living this one life, since it is over all too soon. In the East, where the presumption of reincarnation is common, a different orientation arose. If you live forever, not just eighty or so years, then everything is seen in a different light. Circumstances that seem interesting or at least tolerable (if they only last a few years), don't seem so if one realizes they are going to last forever, or they are going to repeat (in one form or another) forever. Rather than wondering how to make this life as fulfilling as possible, one begins to wonder: is there some alternative to the otherwise interminable cycle of births and deaths, and all the suffering and separation I must suffer when each life (mine and the lives of those close to me) comes to an end, over and over again? In this way, the growing conviction of the reality of reincarnation serves the process of positive disillusionment, in which one becomes open to a Greater Alternative than materialistic self-fulfillment.


What I actually was interested in was the nature of consciousness; but Artificial Intelligence was about the closest one could come to studying consciousness (certain superficial aspects of it) from within the sciences.

  "Knowledge compilation" is a subfield of Artificial Intelligence in which researchers develop program-writing programs called "knowledge compilers": programs that are given knowledge about some task and how to do it, and which then automatically create ("compile") programs for doing that task, that drew upon the knowledge we had provided. For example, we might give our "knowledge compiler" a lot of knowledge about the task of creating architectural floorplans for a house; the knowledge compiler would then automatically write a program that would actually perform that task (and perform it efficiently). For details, see:

For example, see Adi Da talking about the matter of familiarity in this video clip, an excerpt from the DVD, The Illusion Of Familiarity.


Feeling with the heart is a capability that is characteristic of what Adi Da refers to as the "fourth stage of life", which is characterized by a deep impulse to Communion with the Divine. It is in the context of the fourth stage of life (when one is no longer wedded to the purposes of the first three stages of life) that the true Spiritual process can begin. In the history of the Great Tradition, those involved in the process of the fourth stage of life have characteristically felt the Divine to be a great “Other”, in Whom they aspired to become absorbed, through devotional love and service. However, in the Way of Adidam, the presumption that the Divine is “Other” is transcended from the beginning. In the Way of Adidam, the process of the first three stages of life is lived on the basis of the devotional heart-impulse that is otherwise characteristic of the fourth stage of life. No matter what the age of the individual who comes to Avatar Adi Da, there will generally be signs of failed adaptation to the first three stages of life. But the practice is not a matter of attempting to overcome such failed adaptation through one’s own (inevitably egoic) effort or struggle. Rather, the practice is to turn the faculties to Avatar Adi Da in devotional surrender. In that manner, the virtue of the fourth stage of life — the devotional heart-impulse to Commune with the Divine — is specifically animated from the beginning, in living response to Avatar Adi Da. Thus, whatever must be done to brighten the first three stages of life occurs in the devotional context of heart-Communion with Him.


It is very fortunate for Adi Da's devotees that the same Spiritual Transmission occurs in contemplating the photograph or artistic rendition of Adi Da as occurs in His physical Company — there is nothing in the nature of things that guarantees that this would necessarily be the case! But it is. Just so, when Adi Da reviewed the first video ever made of Him, a broad smile came over His face as He exclaimed, “It transmits!” Fortunately for us, and all future generations of devotees, this is so.


Here Adi Da is referring to the practice of devotees bringing Him a tangible gift of some sort (a flower, a piece of fruit, a leaf, etc.), whenever they come into His Company. He is suggesting that such a practice can be mere ritual, the devotee going through the motions, but without the actual devotional heart-response and surrender of self that giving the physical gift is supposed to represent.


Quotations from and/or photographs of Avatar Adi Da Samraj used by permission of the copyright owner:
© Copyrighted materials used with the permission of The Avataric Samrajya of Adidam Pty Ltd, as trustee for The Avataric Samrajya of Adidam. All rights reserved. None of these materials may be disseminated or otherwise used for any non-personal purpose without the prior agreement of the copyright owner. ADIDAM is a trademark of The Avataric Samrajya of Adidam Pty Ltd, as Trustee for the Avataric Samrajya of Adidam.

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